Everyone Knows Their Name Even If You Don’t

I am composed of several distinct and not-so-distinct personalities.

One of those personalities loves a tune and no matter what, I cannot get the sound of it out of my head.

Okay, our head.

It must be loud as hell in buddy’s head though because the sonofabitch is driving me crazy in this one.

Anyway, these personalities can operate and will operate independent of one another.

And, like most families, some personalities don’t like the others.

Some get all into trouble.

All get some into trouble.

Like ying and yang, their edges short and snap and spark.

Only a couple of personalities are true bliss and unbelievable terror.

They be side by each on the merry go round¬†o’ life, confusing the hell outa each other and me, the uh person in command. ūüėé


With that in mind, here is my personality roll call:


Name:         Who You Are        What You Do          Why You Do It

Barry:       Driver of Williams Bus, Head Driver, Loves me dat driving pal

barry: ¬† ¬† ¬† Mother’s oldest son, babysit n shit, oldest of five kids

Barry!      Hellraiser, breaking rules, already followed enough rules

Barry!!    Forgetful husband, stimulating conversation, feedback

barry! ¬† ¬† ¬†Oldest bro to four siblings, hold hands & don’t touch that!

Barry?     Funny guy classmate, school improv, desperate for attention

Barry… ¬† Former workmate, now unemployed, irresponsibility bites

FuBarBarry   Buddy ShitStick, mischief is me, gotta stir the pot no?

Berry      Strangers best friend, help strangers for stupid karma

Barrie ¬† ¬† Stuck up neighbor, don’t talk to neighbors, so they keep distant

PussyBarry   Captain BootLicker, crawl for comfort, to make it look easy

Berri       Quiet husband of Kathy, keep pie hole shut, no jib-jabby talk

ShortCutterBarry ¬† Mr. EasyStreet, look a back way!, no one’s looking

barrie     An old dude in the basement, hooked on kaizen good buddy, kaizen

Barree ¬† A kid who loans money, because I can save money. Others can’t

bigbare   A technologically curious budding author, an author Dammit!

Dad          A father to four children, water them, so they grow.

BirthdayBarry ¬† Party Boy, party cautious, that’s snot in the apple dunk

Grandpa   Co-producer awhacka keedz, water with love, gettem hooked onit

Fuckface ¬†A bully’s target, shit my pants, then stab him with a screwdriver

FuckingFreak   Punching bag, curl into fetal, two hits to the guts is enough

Bastard   A former friend, called him out on shit, separate wheat from chaff

Homo ¬† Scaredy cat¬†who won’t fight, stand there, that shit don’t work f’me

Faggot ¬† A bad soldier, want outa the army, can’t twist can’t bend can’t kill

WeinerBarry   Mister Spoil Sport, suck my thumb, better watch & STFU

Maggot  A civvie in uniform, look away look away, sticks stones words hurt

NotthebarryIknow ¬† Adolescent in principal’s office, school hates me

WhyBarry? ¬† ¬†Guilty As Charged, hang head in shame, it’s expected

IdiotFucker    Car stealer, borrow cars without asking, Ima stupid cunt

StupidFuck    Moron driver, maneuver handicapped, possibly retarded

SuperAuthor ¬†Hilarious man, wrote Barney’s Motel site, craves recognition

HowMuch?!Barry   Cheapskate father husband, bitch re: cost, who gonna?

BitchBarry ¬† ¬† ¬†Party pooper, won’t drink on demand, too fucking tired

SillyFuck    Bewildered guy, wondering why people are so weird, curious

OhBoyBarry   Smart dude, acting brilliant easily, cause I can

AttaBoyBarry   Mr. Agreement, always nodding yes, to get along

C’mearBarry ¬† Mr. Helpful, helping those in need, cause I can’t say no

CrazyBastardBarry ¬† Odd Fellow, acting weird naturally, cause I’m weird

YOU! ¬† ¬†Captain Avoidance, watching my step, my feet don’t have eyes

BarryFa’inLawDope ¬† Mister KnowShitAll, look smart, talk stoopy

OhShit   Braggart Barry, talks a good game, seldom delivers

SourPuss  Disengaged Barry, want to be alone, just because okay?

JesusChristBarry   Boneheaded Idiot, screwup everything, non-thinker

AtsMahBoyBarry   Best kid, what good kids do, need dat love man

BarryAlpert    Trumpet player, last post & reveille pal, bad instrument picker

BarryTheKid    Best adult playmate, play kid-like, cause ahma big kid

WorldSaverBarry  Mr. MakeItRight, correct everything, a line is needed

FuckItBarry    Buddy ShatUp, close pie holes, cause too many open


BullyBarry    Buddy Big Britches, whatever I want, ahm entitled to it

GodBarry    Mister Altruism, partying with real blood, spilling mine for U

BarryCanuck ¬† Mr Proud Canadian, wave the flag, what…u a commie?

EarthlingBarry ¬† Human Bean, groan and figuring shit out, cause it’s right

BarryRobot ¬† ¬† Mister Sure!, doing what’s expected, shit don’t work if we don’t


BarrySick ¬† ¬†Mr. DoanFeelGood, avoiding something, cause I don’t get sick

SellerBarry ¬† Captain Sales, fridges to Eskimos, keep the wagon trains amovin’

FunnyFuckerAintCha  Happy Maker, pulling smiles outa thin air, because

IgnorantMotha ¬† King Avoidance, do shit tomorrow, tomorrow’s another day


FatherBarry ¬† ¬†Sir Responsible, get up get going keep going, rah rah that’s why

PoorExcuseBarry ¬† Buddy Wasn’tMe, dodging shit, it’s dodgeball 24/7

BarryWahWah  Mister RightNow, a vocal needy person, so others feel useful

AhmOkayBarry ¬† ¬†Buddy StayAway, keep yer distance, I don’t need no help

BarrysNoMechanic Mister WontShutUp, knows everything, why oh why/

CareTooMuchBarry ¬† Pally BigHeart, care mor’n I should, we get marks fer it

BarryLittlePatience ¬† ¬†Sir OutaHere, livin’ important life, more imp. than yrs

AhmBarryOkay? ¬† Pal YouKnowMe, ahm everybody’s friend, at’s what’s right

BarryAhmOkay    Mister YouNeed Me, forcing my goodness, can good b bad?    

OkayAhmBarry ¬† ¬†Howdy Life’OdParty, acting like a stranger, I wonder why

BarryStrange    Buddy ProllyRetarded, is this La La Land? Prolly my stop


Barry Alert





Barry Proud
















BarryWe NeedToTalk







***need to come up with 150 personalities of possible 360


The person committing suicide is not the person who should be pulling the pin but, of course, that person is a coward and horrible at crowd control.


Yo friend.

Barry out.


David Letterman – Hozier: “Take Me To Church”

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