Help Me Break The Spells We’re Under

You stink.

Okay, we both do.

How do I know? Because we’ve got an app for that.

Thanks to our maker’s awesome evolutionary influence we are veritably swamped with cool capabilities which allow us to not only sense invisible odors but also faintly see right through a herd of shysters sometimes a good distance away. (of course this sense works for them, too)

And while we should be fumbling all over ourselves with gratitude for the endowments we possess, one can’t help but wonder why our developmental chef did not hang a solid sense of spells on our racks because man, abracadabras are tough to spot and they’re EVERYWHERE!

Hocus Pocus Now You’re A Roman

Maybe one of the reasons we don’t have a spell sense is that the dang thing would be going off constantly as we are smeared, smarmed and smoothed by the multitude of weird realities constantly foisted upon us.

These psychological environments that are carved for us out of existence are different depending on your location on the planet but no matter where that might be, the people surrounding us have and are attaching a sense of meaning to each aspect of our reality.

The life context constructed through such socially defined values imposes significant restraint upon our characters and whether the imposition is personal, professional or even skin color – these unspoken guidelines act exactly like little laws, each one consciously or unconsciously shaping the perceptual comprehension of all that we encounter.

Now, that’s some Good Vodoo!

See if any of these SniggerVishneys are affecting you:

• Citizen Spell – my country can beat up your country so love WalMart or
  
• Racial Superiority Spell – let’s see your nose? Nope, different club, you
  
• Historical Reality Spell – oh no, we give the losers fair credit. They have their say. That’s why we ask questions first and fire later. All by the book.
  
• Clothing Brand Spell – see these shoes I’m wearing? You need some
• Alcoholic Beverage Spell – the beer you drink is for losers. Try mine
• Carnivorous Spell – all vegans should be eaten
• Love Spell – I loved you more before you got a lawyer
• Money Spell – if you had more loot more love would follow guaranteed
  
• Knowledge Spell – a lot of stuff can be learned from cereal boxes
• Sports Team Spell – paint your face, ruin your voice-box & buy $10 beers
• News Spell – the television personality I watch no’s his arse from a hole in the ground
  
• Vehicle Brand Spell – I peed into your gas tank last night
• Soft Drink Spell – yes, they’re both brown and hurt your throat when you swallow but oh yeah, I can tell the difference
• City Spell – intelligence can be lowered by living somewhere stupid
• Neighborhood Spell – the hood is that-a-way
• Family Spell – even our family crest looks smarter than yours
• Hobby Spell – why everyone ain’t carving Pinocchio is beyond me
• Age Spell – after this number you can not be a trophy wife
• Sexual Preference Spell – we should all be the same but not like you
• Celebrity Spell – this isn’t acting. This is the way I am
• Best Tune Spell – how can some folks be so wrong? It’s THIS one
  
• Best Music Genre Spell – all country song lovers are suicidal
• Religious Spell – switch or we have to kill you
• Language Spell – my god? You DON’T speak English?
• Favorite Aunt Spell – more than just money on my birthday
• Most Disliked Person Spell – it’s not you but you’re up there
• Favorite Fast Food Spell – grease addicts need love too
• Brand of Automobile Fuel Spell – yeah, but this has nitro in it
• Odor Spell – our own stank is best (especially gases)
  
• Geographic Location Spell – see? It’s got that non nuclear smell
• Color Spell – what’s happenin nigga? White is right pass it on
  
• Body Size Spell – two sizes smaller and you’d be okay
• Facial Shape Spell – a wee bit too much square head
• Sense of Humor Spell – I spent all my laughter as a kid so pls fuck off
  
• Smart Spell – okay your mom thinks your smart. Who else?

Some folks might argue that what I am describing here are simply personal preferences but these cultural guidelines are not so easily shaken off or altered.

Try picking your nose or scratching your arse in public and you’ll see what I mean.

These spells are outside and inside us but can only continue occupying our souls with our permission.

And simply by acknowledging a spell we are under, we can adjust it’s effect to the degree where it only influences not controls us.

With practice we might even produce a charmed smell, too.

Maybe.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Ahh, the old tap the microphone at the end to make everything seem live thing…

Fuck Screamin Jay and the spell dude tries to put on us. Who gives a shite if it’s Pure genius?

Harry Potter and his followers know all about spells. They’ve got one or two of their own.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_spells_in_Harry_Potter

http://www.spellsofmagic.com/spells.html

Stinky image courtesy (without permission): http://unclestinky.wordpress.com/2008/02/10/the-stench-of-warand-death/