The point of your first ten years is to celebrate your life. To feel good, you’re alive!

The point of your teen age years is to overcome the strife. Of knowing you’re alive. And learning how to suffer without crying or denying that the pain that you now feel is about to so reveal your ability to suck up pain not pass it on.

The point of twenties is to rough you up, scratch you with kindness, see how a blindness can break your toes, swallow your woes cause that’s how life goes before thirty.

The point of your thirties is to ensure your flirting with evil gets recognized and have you been baptized by the fire that you started or will the baggage you carted slow you all down some and hey, are the children all watching?

The point of your forties is to find your my lordies, your gurus and glue too’s to follow. Try every character and as you do just beware that none of them are you but forge as forties do, forge toward the glimmer, that spark that spawned between err, that place between all places and you now.

The point of your fifties is reflection, rejection of all that you were. Before you got to here. But here now you see how that time is not numbers or hands on a clock. It’s the pace of our gate and the path that we walk. It’s the times we don’t tock and that tick went unspoken and something awoke and it’s like time doesn’t matter and matter doesn’t time. It’s a time of beckoning, reckoning with right now. Like, holy cow… couldn’t something be different?!

(to be continued)

Never mind the last ten years.

Don’t even bother looking back, I’ll do that for you, and you won’t have to pick any weeds, just have a tomato or maybe a pear…you like pears?

Sure you do! Everybody likes pears!

Anyway, I’m done talking about picking fruit. Now, let’s make some nice fruit salad. M’kay?

Ya, Buddy got stiff.

Stiff Person Syndrome.

His eyes cast a shadow of still.

Watched folks sway against their will.

Buddy used their avatar up.

Nothing said but that’s enough.

Finding that diamond in the rough.

Cause finding shit is tough.

Ya gotta pay attention

Not to even mention

You’ve got to see a diamond in the rough.

Watched like a hawk on

A goddamn dock and

Whatsa hawk on a dock, boy?

It’s a sign from Odd.

That very same God.

That beckons to just that few.

Maybe forgot you knew.

On the swirly twirly,

Inna big damn hurry,

You thought you’d sneak though.

Didja?

Buddy was a real deep thinker.

Deep like a deep well digger.

He thought before he’s thirsty

And thinking, he thought the worst he’d

Then encounter

Were thoughts he found there

Way out the plan.

Flipped off and ran

Their own game

Like they were playing

By their own rules

Ya, the bloody fools

Acted like they didn’t know the plan…

Maully was a bitch of a bitch.

Barged in as a kid.

Made chosen seem as if

It WAS her.

It became her.

And chosen then she soon became.

Like chosen was the name of the game.

The chosen one..

Chosen soon become.

The one where chosen run

The game that everyone calls life.

The game where everyone does strife.

The game where worries last all life.

The wise ones close one eye and see

There’s a bigger thy.

One that ye pray to.

One formed of solid glue.

The glue that we all knew

Connects humanity.

One eye for all to see

The other’s closed.

And those opposed

Are ginger haters.

And big debaters.

They’ll argue anything.

Logic is not their thing.

Confirmation bias?

They know the truth, just try us!

They know, my wonderful Bolt.

They know, my sweet, sweet Maully,

My two almost human dawgs,

You’re just one life away,

You know that any day,

We’re doing bugs next.

Buddy always knew people hate his shit.

Maybe little wobbly, canna deal with it.

Maybe take a blue pill

Pay a bitta mortgage.

See a ton of good used shit.

Think about the cartage.

Too much good used shit out there.

Bring ’em all under one life there.

Who gonna bitch or now be square?

This shit’s going to Richie Brothers.

Buddy had no clue he had no clue

He had no clue.

Didn’t know what to do or what to do.

He could not do.

Ya, he saw the edge that

He thought he really knew.

No breaking through.

What could he do?

He had no clue.

This wasnt new.

He wanted through.

But through, how… who?

His shadow stepped in for him.

Stepped across his real person.

Buddy watched a bitta fearsome

Nothing new came.

Relieved, he let it happen.

And later, as he’s crapping

He opened up his mind

To see what he can find.

And he found this.

Buddy ain’t pay much note to noise.

Seems like everyone else is poised

Take a liitle trip from those who know.

Shit going sideways, just below

Limen of feeling

There you go.

Now gonna be that someone.

Find those jerks who alla done.

Say you’re stupid.

Say that Cupid

Is particular

And here you are.

Just you and these arrows.

Buddy saw a heart.

Buddy saw a heart so torn apart

It could not find it’s family.

No organs found turned out to be

That liver, forgiver.

Could you not come hither?

Your memory forgiver?

A bad boy.

Is no choice.

Pappa gonna do his bidding.

Even if Pappa not living.

He works through genes and

In betweens

Pappa likes to pretend dead now

No eye movement, holy cow.

Got a big deal that pop’s do feel.

Someone gonna go to hell now.

Someone gonna go and holy hell

That someone is he.

Buddy didn’t know he didn’t know

He didn’t know.

Life just carried on and

Buddy watched the show.

Never thinking twice if

Life was too and fro.

Like a river flowing

The banks of which are knowing

Whence the water goes.

Before the water knows.

Along the banks it chose.

It goes and always goes.

Water and banks called river.

Watch the river give you

A hint about existence.

Saw Buddy in the distance.

Aha! struck by a river.

Buddy didn’t scare much.

Or care much for scaring.

Rather be caring bout

What might happen?

If no one crapped in

His Cornflakes.

Goodness sakes!

A joy would occur

And if Buddy didn’t hear

Shit can go bad

And South in a hurry.

But Buddy don’t worry.

Cause he don’t eat Cornflakes

No mo’.

Ya, he had a plan.

Buddy always planned.

Planned like a wise man.

Knowing plans backfire.

Plans borne of liars.

Lying all day to themselves.

Planning when they know damn well.

No plan meets the enemy.

Especially when the enemy

Is a big plan maker.

A planning faker.

And then Buddy blames the plan

Not the planner.

Buddy has bad days.

Some days good.

Not really sure if more days could

Be bad or better cause chaos reigns

Reigns on every parade.

Like Buddy and others have said…

This is a puzzle and ye that confuzzle

Shit will make a shitstorm.

Hanging their heads so forlorn.

Like they had no hand in it.

Like this kinda twirly shit

Just stirs up by accident.

Maybe deny the facts in it.

But shit Isreal.

Anyone can feel.

The I.E.D. in the middle of the road.

You’ve been told.

Don’t pretend invincible.

Buddy didn’t like a guy or two

Sayin’ like him or maybe you too

Maybe just doing what people do

They swim swarms with the fishes.

Buddy just doing them dishes.

Watch a waitress collapse

Cause dooofus an ass.

An they didn’t take this in school.

Buddy, he ain’t no fool.

Keep your mouth shut

Opened wee bit but

only to agree with the innocent.

There’s a dead man laying in the middle of the road.

Good man in a car coming up on him slowed.

How was a good man in a car to know?

Dead man and his machete were locked and loaded?

Watch who you help now, don’t get taken easy.

Live life like a kite now, be more breezy.

For you to take off.

When market big drop.

And you were so frigged nah,

On that mortgage…

Fifteen thousand a month?!

Are you crazy?

Cause hard done once is easy.

And crazy done once is pleasing.

Shit! He thought.

He’d been caught.

Infected.

Now, he must reject it. Just to be subjective.

It’s fair now, like holy cow…

One could spill their beans here.

Regardless of queer.

One could spill their shit right here.

(release their format)

Buddy was an idiot, retarded, a lunatic.

Couldn’t go to rest-a-rants.

No line up for lottery.

No food not made by yourself.

Less it’s take out.

You not author of new shout.

Hey! You bring that shit to me!

Buddy was a good cadiver man.

Saw him in half, see what you can.

Where his heart should be…

Cast iron pan.

No wonder the blades of Departed are dull!

Grinding a heart that hard is hell!

Even to people that knew him well.

Said Buddy had a heavy heart.

Said Buddy just played the part

Of a tough man with a daffy duck’s back,

Shit bounces off like a clickety clack.

Just over here picking up this slack.

Buddy turning inside out now.

Show parts working so well now.

So damn well that none can tell

Buddy got a heavy heart.

Buddy’s fingers were not his.

They had biz

Of their own.

And while he’d grown

Quite at home

Working those fingers

Doubt now lingers

Who runs them.

Sometimes not him.

They’d hurt him for no reason

And there seemed to be a season

When they wouldn’t work at all.

When Buddy sent the call

Pick this up, write that.

Those hands, they hollered back.

Just MAKE US! You fool!

We aren’t somebody’s tool!

You need to learn some manners

And ask real slow.

Cause the fingers are done now

And running the show.

You need to learn some manners

And what do you now know?

Should have made some closer friends

Ten damn fingers ago.

Buddy was a striver, a diver of the deep.

Buddy dive so deep, bugger up his sleep.

What have I done now? he’d say.

So much easier to pray.

Pray that someone helps him out.

And shit’s so bad his help needs clout.

Problem solver extraordinaire.

Buddy shrugs like he don’t care.

He knows problems always there.

They exist to coax and dare

Can you lay your thinking bare?

Or stuck one one solution?

Minutiae service station.

Buddy now saw relationships

Between the problems

And their solvers.

Buddy hadda sore spot.

Right about here.

Catch a little grumble,

Person come near.

People lika toothache

Thinkin’ not clear.

Rumble in the younger and

Gettaway from here.

Less a tippa spear,

More like de hando.

Buddy was confused as fuck.

Saw him waves of bad and luck.

Hearda guys getting offed by truck

Tires and drivers and tired drivers.

Right time at the wrong place.

Reality don’t play nice.

No do overs, you plays

The hand God dealt ya

Cause if she felt that

You should not be here.

A great big fucking deer

Would lock horns with you

And you’re unarmed

Cause your horn filled with empty.

Buddy ain’t punch no goddamn clock.

That shit rocks

The normal.

Buddy just half smart

Makes for a plain smart

Don’t hafta then cart

Some unproven opinion.

Buddy just some damn minion.

Don’t look at that bitch.

Cause you will soon wish

You didn’t see them snakes.

See it just once, it takes

The wind out of your sails.

Cause looking back nails

Your future to a circle.

Would then be a miracle

You pull outa that do-nut.

Buddy didn’t believe the Earth was turning

At one thousand miles an hour.

And Buddy never thought he’d see the day

Where idiots had the power

To alter his reality

Something he had thought to be

A making made by him.

But chances now were slim.

To exist as he wanted.

The future, undaunted,

Forced it’s will upon him.

Buddy couldn’t begin

To understand that power.

That grew by the hour.

And if, by chance, that power won,

Then Buddy knows he had not done

All that he could have

Should have

And can do now.

Buddy’s gonna buy gas but

He must pass cause

Now, at last…

He is fucked.

No damn gas for those who pass

Their currency

Their hurrency

Shall be reduced

So them less juiced

Can catch up.

That’s enough

To make a kid ask for no raisez.

Not your car.

Not your home.

No money in any bank.

You are not in Rome.

You? You are alone.

Alone with your devices,

Where asking to be nice is

Kinda self defeating.

Those dee-vices be bleeding

Their “own-ers” kinda dry.

The owners don’t think why.

Cause tattlers give no shits.

Tattlers just spy.

Count your lucky stars

On your ten fingers.

Cuzz that’s more lucky stars than exist.

Put a little spin

Bout where you bin

Cause bin and where you are

Might collide.

It’s like you died.

Died and went to heaven.

Like I said, you have been.

Everywhere there is. to. go.

Everyplace there is. to. know.

All of this is deep inside.

Deep inside were none collide.

They feel not the impact of to-day.

I sure do miss you mom.

You were so much fun

And when you came undone,

It didn’t last.

Those moods past fast.

You had no clear idea.

But you sure did see, ya.

We made a big believe.

Things were aye okay.

One belief took ya to

To a lake that maybe you

Hoped was calmer than calmer than calm.

Maybe you went along

With a bright summer song.

And lilies in the breeze.

Where the best bees knees say please,

Take a sip from the sweet water NOW!

Buddy was tired

And so worn out.

Done with the struggle

Thinking about

Maybe take a breather,

But neither, the breather

Or retuned reciever

Will fill the glass half full.

So close your eyes until

Buddy relaxes

Faces the fact that

He’s not working it.

It’s working him.