The Wildlife Knew That Dude Knew Wildlife

Animals have eyes that,

Like spyglasses, can be

peered into to illuminate distance.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

There Can Never Be Enough Of Those Sugar Crisps

Most folks know about names.

They understand that names don’t 

hurt the same way as sticks and

stones but never-the-less,

they have an impact.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Tunes Get Stuck In Heads. Music Genres Get Stuck In Heads. Religion…

Most folks know about advertising.

They understand that whomever is

paying for the advertising hopes

that their idea will lodge in

their target’s mind and

if they see it, it will.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

And See Those Big Rocks Dead Ahead? Those, We Go Around.

Most folks know about the easy way.

They understand that when many

tongues wag, turbulence rocks

their boat just enough that few notice the waterfall.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Dude Was Happy To Note That Crazy As Fuck Was Still The Accepted Norm

Most folks believe in ghosts.

They succumb to the ghosts

of religion, ghosts of state

and last but not least,

the ghost of their unbridled self.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Lord, How I Worries ‘Bout You. Course, I Worries ‘Bout Me Too.

Most folks have children.

They sometimes talk to

their kids so much that

the kids don’t answer

back which they will

someday learn only

causes more people to talk.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

The Nasty Habit Of Eating Shit

Most folks know about bad breath.

They understand that a malodorous

exhale has bugger all to do with the

fact that their mouth is connected to their anus.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

The Paradigm Shift Waltz


Got numbers?

Numbers are just representations.

Like a cross, sword or actor’s demeanor.

They mean different things to different people.

As in:


“Here’s the total. Seventy-five thousand…”

“Holy Shit! Seventy-five thousand is a lot!”

“We think it should be more…”

“More?! I think it should be less!”

“More is better for us.”

“Yeah well, less is better for me. I’m happier with less.”

“We’ve changed our mind. Don’t want to sell now. Becausa your denigration of what we thought were already low numbers. Look at those shingles! They’re new!”

“What? My lack of consideration for your numbers is causing you to change your mind?! That’s crazy! They’re just numbers!”

“Yeah well, it turns out that we had more invested in those representations than we thought. So Fuck Off…”

“No, YOU fuck off you twisted retard!” (throws rock at house, another representation)

“WHAA..! Why you…! Uhhgg…” (wraps arm around rock thrower’s neck and attempts to wrestle her to the ground)

“GET YER…!” (struggling)


“I guess the deal’s off,” a person says, looking out the window of their representation.

“I guess it is,” another representative agrees.


Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

There Were A Lot Of Lines To Be Read Between Blocked With Legalese And All

Most folks know reasons change.

They understand that wind and

rain were once the work of

angry gods who required

sacrifice & thankfully

it has been revealed

that HARP now owns the weather.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

“I’m Yer New Boss,” Big Buddy Said. “Now You Listen To Me.”

Most folks know about managers.

They understand that managers

make decisions on what they 

think they know when they

don’t know half as much

as they think they do.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

This Brings Out The Beast In Me

Live people do.

Amid the hunt and bother.

Hunting and bothering each other to hunt,

As they grunt through their hunt and their bother.


Live people do.

Amid those bleeding, bleeding out.

They’ve given up their clout.

For what they gotta shout?

They’ve given up on the hunt, they have.

They’ve given up on the hunt.

They’re gonna be the smallest of the runt.

Someone gonna kick them in the rump.

Then they gonna pull ‘em out like a stump.

So they’ll be a hole.

A whole lot better than they were.

Better to start again, start again.


Better to start again.


Thank you, friend.

Barry out.




When Yer Body Wants To Do Shit, Do It!

Most folks know about their body.

They understand that it wants

to be used as a good vehicle

and like all good vehicles

it’s okay with staying

safely in the barn.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Course, shit can still fall on a body indoors an keel ‘em. They could fall downstairs and get keeled. No, indoors ain’t safe, just safe-er from being keeled.


This Story Was Written By Me, Barry Williams and Me, Barry L. Williams.

Sue said of angry Mr. Brooks this morning, “I’m convinced he’s two different people!”

Jerry excitedly exclaimed, “Ya, we had to call the exorcist on Margret!”

Mama said, “That boy is not his-ownself today…”




How many times do we have to be told?

Not in outer space and certainly not in inner space!

There is an entire crowd of sons-a-beggars fighting your good fight but

unless you learn of their existence, like the third man syndrome, they

will not help you.

Praying works.

Complaining works.

Calling yourself an idiot works.

Calling other people idiot works.

Building them up works too.

Brings out a better them

even tho’ that better

them might be all

the way round

their other side.


Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

People Trapped By Kindness Keep Being Trapped By Meanness


This guy spent a big parta his life,

Looking back to change the past.

He’d hire psychics and attorneys too

To give his past a blast.


He seldom looked ahead to see

Whatever he might be.

Instead invested present tense,

Carving out what he believed.


T’was in his soft stoned hard existence

Where everything rubbed the wrong way.

Often led Dude to imagine,

He’d never have his say.

Not even here today.

Somebody had to pay.

Then by God they will pray,

That they stay outa his way.


Let those whom give Dude ample birth,

Be rewarded with a no-scratch pass.

But them who crowd and push and shove him,

Are welcome to kiss Dude’s ass.

Because they’ve got no class.

And are over-run with sass.

In their heads should be bashed.

Hah hah! Justa jokin’ witt ya ma!

And jokin’ witt you too, pa.


But home alone the joke was old.

Dude was tired of being told.

That he was to bold and too old.

Man, that son-of-a-bitch was cold!

Shoulda talked to him before I told

Him to shut the fuck up, get in the truck,

Cause pally you’re outa luck.

You who made this muck.

In it we are stuck.

Who’s diggin’ now, you fuck?

Hah hah! In the truck…!


Tomorrow, tomorrow.

There’s not always tomorrow.

Tomorrow ain’t another day.

It’s a repeat of today and the same as yesterday,

And buddy-boy you’re leaving quite a trail.

Tomorrow, today and yesterday.

Yer already half spent,

So focus on what’s left before it’s gone.

The past don’t change the future,

Only today and you can do that.

But today’s the only day that this will work.


Until tomorrow.


Thank you, friend.

Barry out.




Dude Made The Noise Cat And Cat Made The Noise Nope

Most folks get hints.

They often ignore them

but that don’t stop ‘em comin’.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

You Cannot Steal Love But You Can Steel Love

Most folks yearn to be connected.

They want to feel their connection,

the hard fast solid anchor to that

place unbelievers call beyond

comprehension because once in never out.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Like a bad meal, love just won’t stay gone.

Everyone Knows Their Name Even If You Don’t

I am composed of several distinct and not-so-distinct personalities.

One of those personalities loves a tune and no matter what, I cannot get the sound of it out of my head.

Okay, our head.

It must be loud as hell in buddy’s head though because the sonofabitch is driving me crazy in this one.

Anyway, these personalities can operate and will operate independent of one another.

And, like most families, some personalities don’t like the others.

Some get all into trouble.

All get some into trouble.

Like ying and yang, their edges short and snap and spark.

Only a couple of personalities are true bliss and unbelievable terror.

They be side by each on the merry go round o’ life, confusing the hell outa each other and me, the uh person in command. 8-)


With that in mind, here is my personality roll call:


Name:         Who You Are        What You Do          Why You Do It

Barry:       Driver of Williams Bus, Head Driver, Loves me dat driving pal

barry:       Mother’s oldest son, babysit n shit, oldest of five kids

Barry!      Hellraiser, breaking rules, already followed enough rules

Barry!!    Forgetful husband, stimulating conversation, feedback

barry!      Oldest bro to four siblings, hold hands & don’t touch that!

Barry?     Funny guy classmate, school improv, desperate for attention

Barry…   Former workmate, now unemployed, irresponsibility bites

FuBarBarry   Buddy ShitStick, mischief is me, gotta stir the pot no?

Berry      Strangers best friend, help strangers for stupid karma

Barrie     Stuck up neighbor, don’t talk to neighbors, so they keep distant

PussyBarry   Captain BootLicker, crawl for comfort, to make it look easy

Berri       Quiet husband of Kathy, keep pie hole shut, no jib-jabby talk

ShortCutterBarry   Mr. EasyStreet, look a back way!, no one’s looking

barrie     An old dude in the basement, hooked on kaizen good buddy, kaizen

Barree   A kid who loans money, because I can save money. Others can’t

bigbare   A technologically curious budding author, an author Dammit!

Dad          A father to four children, water them, so they grow.

BirthdayBarry   Party Boy, party cautious, that’s snot in the apple dunk

Grandpa   Co-producer awhacka keedz, water with love, gettem hooked onit

Fuckface  A bully’s target, shit my pants, then stab him with a screwdriver

FuckingFreak   Punching bag, curl into fetal, two hits to the guts is enough

Bastard   A former friend, called him out on shit, separate wheat from chaff

Homo   Scaredy cat who won’t fight, stand there, that shit don’t work f’me

Faggot   A bad soldier, want outa the army, can’t twist can’t bend can’t kill

WeinerBarry   Mister Spoil Sport, suck my thumb, better watch & STFU

Maggot  A civvie in uniform, look away look away, sticks stones words hurt

NotthebarryIknow   Adolescent in principal’s office, school hates me

WhyBarry?    Guilty As Charged, hang head in shame, it’s expected

IdiotFucker    Car stealer, borrow cars without asking, Ima stupid cunt

StupidFuck    Moron driver, maneuver handicapped, possibly retarded

SuperAuthor  Hilarious man, wrote Barney’s Motel site, craves recognition

HowMuch?!Barry   Cheapskate father husband, bitch re: cost, who gonna?

BitchBarry      Party pooper, won’t drink on demand, too fucking tired

SillyFuck    Bewildered guy, wondering why people are so weird, curious

OhBoyBarry   Smart dude, acting brilliant easily, cause I can

AttaBoyBarry   Mr. Agreement, always nodding yes, to get along

C’mearBarry   Mr. Helpful, helping those in need, cause I can’t say no

CrazyBastardBarry   Odd Fellow, acting weird naturally, cause I’m weird

YOU!    Captain Avoidance, watching my step, my feet don’t have eyes

BarryFa’inLawDope   Mister KnowShitAll, look smart, talk stoopy

OhShit   Braggart Barry, talks a good game, seldom delivers

SourPuss  Disengaged Barry, want to be alone, just because okay?

JesusChristBarry   Boneheaded Idiot, screwup everything, non-thinker

AtsMahBoyBarry   Best kid, what good kids do, need dat love man

BarryAlpert    Trumpet player, last post & reveille pal, bad instrument picker

BarryTheKid    Best adult playmate, play kid-like, cause ahma big kid

WorldSaverBarry  Mr. MakeItRight, correct everything, a line is needed

FuckItBarry    Buddy ShatUp, close pie holes, cause too many open


BullyBarry    Buddy Big Britches, whatever I want, ahm entitled to it

GodBarry    Mister Altruism, partying with real blood, spilling mine for U

BarryCanuck   Mr Proud Canadian, wave the flag, what…u a commie?

EarthlingBarry   Human Bean, groan and figuring shit out, cause it’s right

BarryRobot     Mister Sure!, doing what’s expected, shit don’t work if we don’t


BarrySick    Mr. DoanFeelGood, avoiding something, cause I don’t get sick

SellerBarry   Captain Sales, fridges to Eskimos, keep the wagon trains amovin’

FunnyFuckerAintCha  Happy Maker, pulling smiles outa thin air, because

IgnorantMotha   King Avoidance, do shit tomorrow, tomorrow’s another day


FatherBarry    Sir Responsible, get up get going keep going, rah rah that’s why

PoorExcuseBarry   Buddy Wasn’tMe, dodging shit, it’s dodgeball 24/7

BarryWahWah  Mister RightNow, a vocal needy person, so others feel useful

AhmOkayBarry    Buddy StayAway, keep yer distance, I don’t need no help

BarrysNoMechanic Mister WontShutUp, knows everything, why oh why/

CareTooMuchBarry   Pally BigHeart, care mor’n I should, we get marks fer it

BarryLittlePatience    Sir OutaHere, livin’ important life, more imp. than yrs

AhmBarryOkay?   Pal YouKnowMe, ahm everybody’s friend, at’s what’s right

BarryAhmOkay    Mister YouNeed Me, forcing my goodness, can good b bad?    

OkayAhmBarry    Howdy Life’OdParty, acting like a stranger, I wonder why

BarryStrange    Buddy ProllyRetarded, is this La La Land? Prolly my stop


Barry Alert





Barry Proud
















BarryWe NeedToTalk







***need to come up with 150 personalities of possible 360


The person committing suicide is not the person who should be pulling the pin but, of course, that person is a coward and horrible at crowd control.


Yo friend.

Barry out.


David Letterman – Hozier: “Take Me To Church”

Sure She Rolled Her Eyes Up In Her Head But Nowhere’s Where She Went

Many folks live in flight or fight mode.

They are about this close to tearing

someone’s head off and shitting

down their neck and if moron

thinks they’ve got all day to

throw away sightseeing on 

Flappin’ Gum Alley, that sheep just sailed.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Freedom Lay Across “The Shoe Drops Here” Road

Most folks fight for their rights.

They might be accused of 

fighting half heartedly

via complaining but

a poor swing is better than none.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

The Needle Point Hardly Resembles The Track Or Dress It’s About To Make


Strange are the things that come from where.

Curiously wondering why.

Who said what and who kicked the cat?

And why don’t pigs and cats fly?

They try…

And want to.

Everything wants to fly.


The sky,

He points to, is a medium.

With small and large on the outside.

And if you fling a pair of wings

with just the right shape into

it hard enough, pally, you will fly.

In the sky.

Up high.

The sky is only there to fly.

He sighed.


This medium…

He points to the water below.

You can navigate by flapping again wings

but of course, in here, more slow.

Because it’s all much slower right below.

This air’s thick like syrup and if you

flail around in it, for a few seconds you will float.

Then sink.

You’ll slowly come crashing to earth in here.

But with eyes wide open you’ll crash.


In here…

He pointed to the universe center,

In here anyone can fly.

The entire frontier is open wide

And all a person does is go inside

And glide or hide.

It don’t matter to the guys inside.

They’re fried.

Heard the stories and hip to the scene.

They’ve been every bloody where in everybody’s dream.

They know that this stuff is never what is seems.

Everybody’s keen. Everybody schemes and everybody squeams.

And those in between.

Have nowhere serene.

Where they can be queen.

Or king if that’s the thing.

And if it is then Ping!

Give back the ring.

And git back in line to go agin’.


Thank you, friend.

Barry out.








Becausa The Goddamned Allodoxaphobia Dude Didn’t Let Him Have It

Most folks could give a shit.

They don’t care what so-

in-so down the street

thinks because she

too is a flag waving member of Club Moronic.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.



What He Said Might Be True But GivesAFuck Had Already Gone

Most folks interrupt.

They interrupt a program

with a bathroom break

and grandma when

she forgets what

she’s saying but

when interruption

becomes normal then

absolutely nothin’ happens.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Total Honesty Is Stunning. Who Really Wants To Be Stunned?

So advertising doesn’t work for most small businesses.

We have to wait for them to go out of business so the next business occupying that same location will advertise.

Until they also go out of business.

See how this works guys? Your route doesn’t change but your customers do.

“Outlast your customers is the big trick. They’re gonna waste their advertising dollars somewhere, why not waste ‘em with you?”

“See how this works guys?”

Said the sickenly honest business newspaper franchise seller again.

My franchise business newspaper seller.

Business Dynamics.

The truth sucks.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Hands Up – Who Don’t Hear The UnderMining?

Most folks know old.

They understand that

without anything

doing anything,

something big

about it is changing.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Slippery Altruism Whispers “Do It, Do It!” Like A Wet Willy In Each Ear.

This fellow gave his life for his country.

So did this girl.

Other people are living in their places now.


Thank you, friend.

Barry out.


Don’t Get Angry At The Things That Are Missing

Most folks have ideas.

They imagine things working

out a certain way and if they

don’t they can be happy

to a degree or pissed

off to a degree.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Be happy with what you have and, get more.

Sheppard – Geronimo

Everyone Can’t Have Hangers On When You Have More Than Yer Share

Most folks have been used.

They reached for something

their mother couldn’t get

and brought their dad

toilet paper when

his legs stopped

working but if

they ain’t discerning, they be a reach’in and a brang’in all day.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

You Want Yer Attention All At Once Or Spread Over Too Damn Few Years?

Most folks know how to be ignorant.

They ignore strangers in the street

and horribly ignorant vehicle

drivers who should be shot

like the dogs of war and

don’t even get started

on their goddamn in-laws.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Get Sharp. Sharp As Hell. Then Throw YourSelf Into Something.

Most folks know about flashes.

They understand that flashes

are a short term deal but

the effect upon flash

viewers can take a 

long time to fade.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.


It Was Look Here And Look There. They Wanted Every Head Turned.

Most folks have a mind.

They imagine their mind

being directed by their

brain and personal

intent but that

ain’t the way it works.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Say uh, ya got some’in ta keep deez kidz busy?