Dude’s Wife Looked Pretty Fat

Most folks know about navigation.

They understand that if the navigator

doesn’t know where they are and

plan from there, chances of

arriving anywhere predictable are predictable.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

My wife is a beautiful woman. And, she’s fat by “normal” standards.

She’s pretty no matter what her body-fat index is.

She Preferred Her Red Wine In A Coffee Cup. Don’t Dare Mix It Up.


She liked to sup.

As in “was up?” and tipping plentya tippy cup

Full of nummy nupp-nupps,

It’s all hush, hush.

You hear me? Shush!

Grr, you friggin lush!

You Hear? It’s hush shush!


She was so liked as such.

Deep in her cups though

She don’t feel much. Like it’s all gone,

Or never was but you Baz,

You say it’s all because…

Maybe never was. Could be never was.

Just because.

Right Baz?


She oppressed she did,

As she couldn’t impress. Upon them

at her behest. She would loudly attest.

Make them Me blessed!

She was so obsessed with being blessed…

By those who couldn’t have cared less.

But man, still, she pressed!

You make them bless!

You hear me Jess?!


Maybe she’s at rest.

That red stained pistol grip coffee cup

All fly poop and fly puky on her desk.

Maybe she’s at rest.

There’s no more “You go Jess and you make them like me!”

and do this so they think that.


Her cup’s alone there, dangling in time.

So costly to carry, it rests.

It rests and maybe she rests.


Thank you, friend.

Barry out.




Recall The Daze Of The Weak

Most folks have been victims.

They didn’t see something coming

and were broad-sided by Sir

Come Stance and for a

lucky few that shit happens once.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Soon Every Human Doing Was Fooled, Right Out Of Their Being.

Most folks follow the rules.

They don’t question why

things are the way

they are, they

just follow

the idiot in

front of them.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

People Shit. Now What You Gonna Do About It?

Most folks act crazy.

They go nutso over meeting

someone new or getting

fired or dumped by

some retard and

they pull this

shit more than once.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Enough People Have Died For Mount Everest

Blob, blob, blob.

Ants build this mound to the sky.

Each ant carrying it’s pebble.

Mountains, wee pebbles at a time.

Everest. Found by ants and

climbed, climbed, climbed.

Get high! they say in their

special way and then they

die, die, die. Attempting

to get high, they fly. 

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Humility, Humility. Please Pile Into My Backpack.

I know I’m good.

I know I’m unique.

I know I’m doing something that anyone could do but doesn’t.

I know.

Ten thousand fucking hours of practice.

THEN I get good!


Jesus don’t make me tell you again.

You again.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

If Someone Is Sitting In Yer Seat, You Move, There’s A Pile Of Not Here Seats.

Most folks fight for what is right.

They don’t usually consider that right

is right only right now and that one

day some kinda different right

will be the real right and

as such they’ll adjust.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

The Future, Dude Saw It Writ Large, Large, Large, On Little Beggar’s Faces.

Most folks know about dickens.

They understand that every

kid is filled with them and

if they aren’t all properly

squeezed out, those keedz will act out their dickness.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Git over here and let grampa squeeze the dickens outa you, you little beggar!


Funerals? Hey Sorry, Everybody Comes. Birthdays? Sorry, No Presence.

Most folks mark time.

They don’t actually mark

time themselves, they

rely on neat little

gadgets like

clocks and calendars and mind-thieving greeting cards.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.


If Yer Head Is Up It’s A Target

Most folks are in plain view.

They don’t hide on account of

there being nothing to hide

from and so what if there

was, where would they

hide if everyone else

was hiding too?

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Love Is The Un-Automatic Transmission Of Hurt Not Into Hate

Most folks have changed their mind.

They said shit or did shit that no

person in their right mind’d

do and then kissed all

the ass and stoked

every ego they

needed to to pull the fuckin’ lynch pin.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Tigers eat people. You can have lunch with them but once. 

If You Can Make Bad Good, There Are No More Good Or Bad Daze.

Most folks are in a trance.

They have no clue that they

are in a trance however,

and this causes great

confusion for any

who assumed

they are directing, not acting in, The Show.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Marc Emery Just Got His Papers: Straight From Mandela University

Most folks know about martyrs. 

They are usually produced

after great tribute to the

cause and if they don’t

die fighting they fight to the death.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

The Tipping Point Of Politics

Most folks know about overload.

They have five people talking

to them at the same time

with all of them saying

the same thing only

differently and

with all that

communication occurring, they can’t hear anything.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

With This Anonymous Mask You Too, Can Become The Biggest Asshole.

Most folks are secretly envious.

They hate the fact that other people

just like them can get ahead while

they continue to struggle and

for exposing that pathway

they will gladly twist

the very coattails

upon which they ride around their benefactor’s windpipe.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.


When Dirty Tricks Become The Norm

Many folks know about rules.

They understand that as soon as

most everybody is following

them a few wisecrackers

will see the benefit in not following them.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Trudeau-gate. Betcha someone politically motivated organized what they hope will be a rattling break-in at Justin’s house.

Politics aside, this is horrendous. Fucking scary how far some people will go to influence political direction.

Shit just got ugly in Canadian politics. Now we got a view to match it’s stink.

Some Adults See Other Adults As Children To Be Taken Care Of

Most folks know what is good for them.

They look before they cross the road

and taste before they swallow and

if they happen to take the wrong

turn they adjust their course and let evolution do its thing.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.


HUGE Financial Tools Whooshed Through The Air And NoBody Saw It All.

Most folks account for stuff.

They don’t actually create anything,

they simply ensure that so-in-so

pays what they’re supposed to

or put out some celery when

it runs low or it’s three forty

six up here on yer left and

if they don’t do it there are

people showing up who will.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

And Once Dis Turd Eye Open Up, Look Out Boy, Look Out.

Many folks are hard headed.

They acquired thick bone density

via proximate spine strengthening

courtesy of The School of Hard

Knocks and while thick works

for spines it occupies mind

pump space in heads and

mind pump space is for mind pumps.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

SomeOne Runs This Shitty Ya?

You might be King Shit of Turd Island.

But you ain’t King Shit of All Turd Islands.

There is an agreed upon King of All Kings of Turd Islands.

The Turd Islands King’s King.

Whom, it just turns out, also bows to a king.

The King of All Turd Island King’s King.

And wouldn’t you know it?

That dude ALSO has a King!

The King of All Crappy Islands Kings King’s on top of Turd Island Kings.

Shit Pyramids Leapfrog Topward.

It’s a game worth makin’ acquaintance.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Who dat runnin’ dis worl?


To Altered Minds, Mind Altering Drugsters Are Stupid.

Many folks are naturally high.

They are so friggin stoned

that they don’t recognize

the fact that they are

waay higher kites.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Everyone come with strings attached.

Make Time Or Time Will Make You Make Time

Most folks learn the hard way.

They see and get told and

by lawdy they still don’t

get it ’til the door slam

shut on their fingers.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

When Admirerers Become Real

I’m just sitting here one day and BAM!

In comes a letter.

Now, I ain’t had no conversation with anyone real for some time so I’m stoked!

A letter!

From someone…

To me!

With trembling hands I respectfully consider opening it.

Might need to use this envelope. Don’t got no envelopes ‘cept this one so I sneak it open real careful-like.

Holy! The paper inside is beautifully folded.

Perfectly set inside a pristine envelope. Not a speck of anything ‘cept clean, brilliant paper.

Whomever folded this paper knew what they were doing.

Snug as a bug in a rug! It fits perfectly inside the envelope with zero wasted space. 

A well thought out, perfect fit!


And the paper…!

Whoa, it’s sparkling white, crisp and not that cheap photocopy stock that a person can see right through.

Uh uh.

Nope, this is high quality paper. So high there is absolutely no evidence of ink bleed on it’s unblemished surface.

Mmm. Even smells good.

Like the yummiest envelope glue ever stuck on wood fiber.


There’s my name!

Mr. Barry L. Williams!


Oh boy, that’s me!


Okay, it looks like some kind of form letter. From a collection agency.

But oh, what form!

While the body of this communication could surely apply to anyone, someone definitely accurately typed my name into a database and then looked up my name from their database and copied it and then applied it to this letter!

Sure they might have utilized some kind of program to do this but… I bet the person who typed my name into the computer wondered about me.

Barry L. Williams, she must have thought. I wonder what he looks like? I wonder how smart he is?

I wonder if he is as intelligent and good looking as his name suggests?

I bet she pondered my name for a good, long time.

She probably typed it into the database right before lunchtime and by coincidence, the name Barry L. Williams stuck with her throughout her lunch break.

Yeah, she probably returned to her desk and immediately started feeling a bit down as her subconscious mind compared how boring and non thought provoking the names she was now entering into her database seemed.

Compared to the glorious name of Mister Barry L. Williams.

But what about the person who gave her my name to type into that database?


Thank you, friend.

Barry out.


Dude Withheld His Opinion, Out Of Polite Contempt For His Host.

Many folks smell trouble.

They don’t have to snarf it

directly, they sniff’n snaf

about threads, the ether

and living things that

may have traversed Zone Target.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Dude Went Around Reading Shit Into Things. Shit That Was Not There.

Most folks know about interpretation.

They understand that if they can’t

speak the language they have to

have absolute trust that their

interpreter ain’t screwing

up the meaning of shit.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

When Memory Leaves Time But Not Space

Most folks know about horses.

They understand that if horses ain’t

hitched to something they’ll roam

all over hell’s half acre and the

longer they roam, the tougher to saddle.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

You Fool. Yourself.

No one is stupider than you.

No one has a smarter mouth than you.

No one deserves a kick in the arse more than you.

No one to kick some arse but you.

You, you, you…

It’s you.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.


No One Could Clear A Room Like Alfred Riz

Most folks are in some way unique.

They have deeper voices than

the majority of people or

longer noses or bigger

boobs but not many

people could cast

an odor to match

the olfactory stupor of King of the Scents A.R.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Cart’emAround. Cart’emAround. They Were Going To Cart’emAround!

Most folks have baggage.

They don’t realize the extent

which luggage can catch on

their zipper & make them

keep shoes they won’t wear.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.