To Hell With Headstones! Get A Website!

Most folks know about grass.

They understand that grass must 

be seeded, watered, cut, kept

off of and that’s just for people who love grass!

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

The NSA ain’t wiping any hard drives so whatever you put on the web, she gonna stay rat on dat web…

Acting Smart Ain’t A Bad Thing, Dude Found Out Five Decades Later.

Many folks have been told to shut up.

They understand that the shutter-upper

doesn’t want to hear one more peep

outa the shut-up’s mouth even if

it might somehow deflect the downfall of said shutter-upper.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

OK, There Are Worms Which Walk Upright. Big Deal. So There’s Walking Worms.

Many folks can see things differently.

They look not once but twice, three

times if they have to and even one

more for the Gipper if someone

they trust can simply spark their boundless attention.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Said To The Celery Prior To Eating, You’re Going To Really Love Being Human.

Most folks know that plants were here first.

They understand that plants required a

good relationship with dirt and dirt

needed water and water air.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Daddy Of The World Wants To Spank Us, That’s Why The Slap On The Gas.

Most folks know about blankets.

They have had them and then had

them taken away and once they

have had blankets, they don’t want them taken away.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Yes, You Can Guess What’s Going To Happen But Remember, It’s Just A Guess.

Many folks make predictions.

They get worse at making good predictions

though when they fail to notice the contrast between guessing and predicting.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

 

Prediction must contain proof.

Verbalization. Written evidence. Confabulations. Collaboration. Discussion. Planning. Keen Observation. Motivation. Discernible Activity.

Once a person figures out how something might happen they then might guess what that happening might lead to.

And what would happen. And what that would lead to. And happen. And lead to. And happen.

You get the picture.

Yer prediction problems all originate from:

  • how far off the guess is
  • how good you are at measuring
  • how well your mistakes or wins fit together. (poorly fit together futures collapse, as we know… ;-) )
  • how often you practice what you preach
  • Et cetera

Just Say D’Oh!

pres-ford-aiming-rifle-in-airforce-one

Come ‘n git me grassy knoll bitches!

 

Most folks know about slogans.

They once said Loose Lips Sink Ships

and How Bout A Nice Big Cup Of

Shut The Fuck Up and who can forget Just Say No!

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

First Time Dude Ever Heard A Cop Lie

At age nineteen I operated an autobody shop I had purchased from my father.

In that shop I rebuilt a car for a friend’s brother who was disinterested in retrieving the car once it was complete.

Periodic bills (I’m a fucking autobody guy, not some accountant!) failed to attract his interest.

Finally one day after one and one half years I sent him a note saying I was going to sell the car to pay his bill.

The car was sold to one of my suppliers for the amount owed for work done on the vehicle.

Soon as my customer’s dad found out, he went ballistic. He sold your fucking car?!

NO FUCKING WAY!

They phone the RCMP.

***

Cop I know comes to see me.

He’s friendly. Brings me coffee. We talk in his car.

He writes shit down. This is the charge he says. Theft under five thousand because it was a car he says.

I didn’t go through the proper channels to legally sell the car he says. Cop’s right in what he says.

Cops know how the law works.

I sure didn’t.

I didn’t!

I finish my coffee and sign the charge. Theft under five thousand.

I have no idea what I have just done. (made friends with a cop I think…)

Copper waves goodbye and says he’ll see me in court.

I wave.

See ya pal!

***

Couple of days before court I ask a friend to come with me to court.

For what? friend says. Oh, just this and I tell him this story.

Theft under five thousand!? friend asks.

Yeah, why? I ask.

You’ll be a fucking criminal is why! friend exclaims as if I’m a moron.

Holy shit! I exclaim moronically.

I thought I would just explain my circumstances to folks and they would understand, I said.

You are stupider than I thought, friend says.

You might go to jail if you plead guilty. Change your plea to innocent and take your chances with the judge, friend advised.

And get a fucking lawyer!

***

I got a lawyer.

Wowsers my cop pal was upset when I told him about my plea change.

He swore! Fucking cops swear?!

Now shit’s going to go bad for me, previous cop pal warns.

I wonder if I shoulda left well enough alone.

Don’t wanna lose friends and all…

***

Lawyer said just like friend said. I’ma stupid cunt for providing evidence against myself.

What am I, an imbred? he asks smilingly while I fork over a ton o loot. ($800 1976)

You people fuck each other out there or is it becausa all that oil in the drinking water? rhetorically slops from his ignent legal pie hole as he slips the stack into his jacket.

See ya in court inbred…

***

In court an RCMP officer with three years on the force reads the charge against me and my statement against myself.

Theft under five thousand dollars.

A judge listens and Judy, the court stenographer taps away on a machine as he speaks.

My lawyer tries not to shake his head as my evidence is read against me.

Fuck, I hear him mutter under his breath.

The RCMP corporal sums up his testimony and the judge gives my lawyer a chance to earn the dough already swindled from me.

My lawyer wants to hammer the prosecution’s witness which just also happens to be his client.

Lawyer asks me about did the cop read me my rights and did I know what I was getting into and yeah, the cop read me my rights but shit did not unfold the way he said.

The cop lied on the stand and without my lawyer asking me to clarify I turned to the judge and told him the truth and how it differed from what officer tongue as long as a telephone wire had said.

The judge was pissed by what I said. His eyebrows smoldered and I wondered how far over some line I had gone.

***

In the hallway awaiting the judge’s decision Lawyer called me the stupidest client he had ever had and he was fistpumpingly gleeful that I had paid the bill up front.

Lawyer told me I had it all wrong. 

Justice he said, has nothing to do with right and wrong. Justice is about winning and losing. And you, my short peckered friend, just LOST!

***

The judge disagreed. He  believed me over Sargent Snide. Charges dropped. 

Lawyer didn’t say sorry.

Cop tried to shake my hand on the way out of court (small town). No hard feelings, idiot says.

Fuck you I grunt straight into his lying cop eyes.

Lawyer doesn’t even say goodbye, just saunters across the road to his paid off car.

One month later legal idiot gets electrocuted welding on his motorcycle in the rain.

I shoulda paid him in installments.

 

 

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

First Get Rid Of Imagination And Corruption Will Surely Follow

Most folks think the best.

They make plans and expect

them to turn out even tho’

they might be based on

the flimsiest of everybody’s a bit wrong assumptions.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

For Certain Normal Had Cleared The Bridge. Yep. Normal Was Out The Bridge.

Many folks can smell a rat.

They have this second

sense to a primary

sense that tells

them exactly when shit is headed south.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

RCMP inspector facing sexual assault charges

http://www.ctvnews.ca/canada/rcmp-inspector-facing-sexual-assault-charges-1.1777084

Hold That Thought For Twenty One Daze Then Drift From Public Consciousness.

After 35 days, Flight 370 is still missing without a trace.

Gone from the world’s view and out of worldview.

Because even planets live only so long.

So too events only live so long.

Live on, live on flight 370.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Malaysia Airlines Flight 370

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malaysia_Airlines_Flight_370

The Cops Brought Yer Good Citizen’s Award So Raise Yer Hands & Back On Out.

Most folks know about lawbreakers.

They understand that if police

officers are around then it

is quite likely that laws

have been or are about to be broken.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

In Each Person Is A Success Formula That Reads From The Inside Out

Many folks think about themselves.

They don’t think well of themselves,

simply about how this shit went

sideways or how that dream

sucked the hind tit and yet

few of them wonder if

the odor of moron

is inside their clothing or out.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Give The Hill You Climb A Name To Get Acquainted With Yer Testor

Most folks struggle.

They often don’t appreciate their

struggles though and this leads

to struggles coming & going

instead of getting to know the nay naybors.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

No, He Didn’t Necessarily Want Pain But Jeepers What Was A Day Without It?

Many folks are addicted to hurting.

They enjoy their own pain on account

of there being nothing else to enjoy 

but if they can’t enjoy their own pain they enjoy the pains of others.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

I believe they’re called talk and entertainment shows.

In The Distance… Rumbling. From The Rough Roads Which Brought Dude Here.

Many folks make their own way.

They head out and continue 

heading out until heading

out is normal because

there resides the remainder.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Glen Phillips-The hole (Breaking Bad) 

Dude Had A Way Of Catching His Leg Right In The Jaws Of Dogs

Many folks can smell crazy.

They whiff it from a mile

away on account of 

that odor driving them friggin’ nutso.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Wait, Wait. Yer A Lightweight.

Most folks attract gravity.

They normally attract

a certain amount &

occasionally when proximate to hi-way buffets a bit more.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Outrun Yer Nightmares? Quite Possible. But Not The Wayback Machine.

Most folks have a past.

They might even know

that their past is fixed

in history which for a lot of ‘em means no Santa.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Maybe you should have thought before writing all that sheeeiit. Ya think?!

407 Billion web pages saved over time.

http://archive.org/web/

You Could Have Heard A Pin Drop Yes, But Try And Find It In All Them Pins.

Most folks live.

They often don’t leave

much evidence of living

though and this is the very

foundation of the headstone biz.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

One Day’s Worth Of Wisdom Was All Dude Could Carry

Most folks have ‘aha’ moments.

They usually don’t have them

every day though on account

of aha becoming u-huh and soon uh-oh.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Funny How People Keep Their Distance When One Acts A Little Weird

Most folks put a good front.

They try to show the big,

bad world that they’re

blending in even if they’re outside the blender.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Fuck It Dude Said. If He Couldn’t Tell Anyone Then Everyone Would Know.

Most folks know about insane.

They understand that one

insane person in a group

is marriage, two insane

people is a company

and three or more likely means you have started a political party.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

 

Three Years Old? Knock Him Across The Room. At Sixteen Chase Him With An Axe.

My father and I had a strange relationship.

I competed with him in a struggle to win some game I had no idea we were playing.

He made up the rules.

He chose the tools and he bent everything that would bend.

Force him as I did with all my might, my father would not say he loved me.

“God bless” was the best he could muster. God bless, god bless!

I guess some son-of-a-bitch has to.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

There Is Nothing To Fear But Fear Itself But Have You Seen The Size Of That Mother?!

Most folks have concerns.

They avoid having a bird

over every issue though

by properly identifying,

prioritizing and insulating against squawks.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

How To Keep Yer Welcome From Wearing Out

Most folks visit.

They get a feel over

time for the proper

length of stay and

how often they should stay and if they don’t they can’t.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Dude Had No Time To Do Things Right But He Had Time To Do Them Twice

Most folks know about responsibility.

They wish others had more of it

on account of themselves having to cough up so much.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Dude Fought His Genes And Environment But Those Beggars Had Laid A Trap

Most folks do what they want.

They seldom question why

they want what they do

though and right there is where they should start.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

No Ones Paying For Witches Anymore. We Can’t Keep ‘Em Danny Let ‘Em Go.

 

One day Jews came out of hiding.

The underground railroad had stopped.

There was no more curse of the Irish.

They were done busting everyone’s chops.

 

The black, brown and white became equal.

Equally cheated a bit.

For now the divider was money,

Without it you weren’t worth a shit.

 

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Everything Dripped With Confusion Making It Tough To Really Get a Grasp

Many folks know about organizations.

They understand organizations are called

organizations to remind anyone caught

disorganized in them that organizing

is their first order of business.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Canada’s first publicly traded marijuana company has rough first day when pot shipment seized by RCMP

http://news.nationalpost.com/2014/04/04/canadas-first-publicly-traded-marijuana-company-has-rough-first-day-when-pot-shipment-seized-by-rcmp/