Archive for January, 2012

When A Step Child Bestows Parenthood

For decades my fake offspring Jason and I did battle. I swore his mother was going to attend court with him because I’ll be gawd damned if I will waste my precious time caring about anyone who doesn’t give two shits about me. How oh how could I have been so un-fatherly and just how […]

A Shill For Every Window And Two Windows For Every Shill

Who is NOT forced into pitching something these days? Do folks really understand what they must represent? Or what that coerced representation will eventually lead to? Girls and boys going door to door selling for some big candy manufacturer who insists they dress up in fancy clothing as if they were about to help someone […]

Loquaciousness Drives While Smart Waits In Line On The Ride Called Planet Earth

Is it better to be born with the ability to chat folks up or be quietly intelligent? I hope its not obvious that I’m betting on the babbling brook route. Thank you, friend. Barry out.   

People With Chomper Prosthetics Are Less Dumbed Down And Bad Tooth Brushers

Does Newt Gingrich or The Donald have false teeth? If they do I may have just blown my theory. Sheeoot, I could really use a couple of nice Polidents right now. Thank you, friend. Barry out.

Hammered Every Second Part 8: Get The State Working For You

Convince a trained attack dog to not attack you. You’ve got two seconds. One…twouch… Humans succumb to such conditioning too, so unless you’re a reading eye dog, listen up: 1. Be cool in all you do, even copish stuff. The first person to lay hands loses. 2. Fight stylish like. 3. Feesh nice in unexpected […]

Hammered Every Second Part 6: Everything Counts So Fill Your Boots With Better

Nothing has much meaning if no one remembers it. For folks who possess a decent memory the past can carry shite that we wish didn’t occur but it has and that leaves only two options: One – we try real hard to forget stuff which pretty much ensures that it will be driven deeper into […]

Hammered Every Second Part 7: The Voices, The Voices Are Ours, Ours, Ours

The piece of crap computer I am tapping this out from has no opinion about my intelligence. Even if sometimes I imagine that it’s doing everything in its power to piss me off and stop me from writing to you. This is relevant because today’s story compares how humans think to how a computer works […]

When That Thang Calls

The bus is not coming to wherever we are waiting. But somewhere along our route we will approach that place where we thought we where aimed all along only to find that circumstances required us elsewhere and before push came to shove we were moved to the front of some line by people running the […]

Hammered Every Second Part 5: Maybe That Stupid Bitch Is Somebody’s Mother

Lawyers around the world do not agree with the “judge not lest ye be judged” thing because so many of the beggars eventually want to be sitters on the bench not just called to the bar. For the rest of us not beating that path there’s no doubt we need to pay close attention to […]

Hammered Every Second Part 4: Get Your Degree

Piss-tanks and farmers about to be caught up in the gears of their combine need a Y. Y is important because if life really is just a series of unconnected Planck length time frames then we need a good reason to continue onto the next moment instead of the one right next to it. This […]

In 18 Months Gas Prices Went Up 60% And We Canadians Just Stood There, Pumping.

Its January 2012 and truckers in Italy are pissed. Well, they’re not the only ones, it seems that everybody in that country wants to crash the strike party on account of the government’s austerity plans. Course, strikes are nothing new to the big bad boot but how tough must things be when even lowly lawyers […]

Ahh Soah UnBeeWeevabo.

Some things I just can’t make shite up about. The Fukushima Disaster is one of them. We will hear the ringing of this gong for a long time and if you don’t hear it yet you will but it ain’t a gonna be from these folks. Thank you, friend. Barry out. Lawdy help the humans […]

Let’s Rustle Up Some Fried Country For Dinner. Lessee, Which Ones Almost Done?

See there, Canada and the United States are browning up nicely. Everyone reading this must pay their bills. Please, please pay your bills. Don’t keep going out and getting new and more loans from uncle Whatcha Mcallit just so you can drive the fanciest aircraft and buy your own world warrior. Save your money, pay […]

We Are NOT Machines. We Are NOT Machines. We…

Most folks are going to be somewhere on Tuesday @ nine aye-em sharp. A couple of hundred years ago that place was home but now we’re all on the away team and it seems like there is little we can do about it. Ah, but there is. We can grab our culture by its horns […]

YES These Demons Will Die With Me But They Uh, Want To Continue

The very instant we figure out who is running this ride we can get off. A course, that don’t mean a person can just make up their mind, undo their seat belt and simply hop out of the attraction cabin while handing the entire shebang over to fate. No. First it means: realizing that somebody […]

Hammered Every Second Part 3: There’s Room At The Inn For Us

Reality provides a spot for mountain climbers, sky divers and even brave convenience store clerks. The fact that these types of people tend to knock off group participants quicker than more mundane pursuits matters not and like everyone else, they are provided their location in space-time so that they might freely express themselves. Even if what […]

Hammered Every Second Part 2: How Shite Works

Since starting a brand new program for the treatment of alcoholics about two weeks ago, this is what my research has shown: 1. It is possible to only get hammered every second day if a person really goes overboard on their “on” days. 2. Knowing you can drink as many pailfuls as you want in […]

Our Selves Are Not Worth Defending

A person can be altered simply through being challenged. And why not? Why should we remain the same? No matter how much ducking we do there is a good chance that tomorrow we will wake up as some slightly different person so lets not get too upity about who we are rat now. Thank you, […]

I Was Sad To Learn My Spot On Our Totem Pole But Happy To Have A Log To Burn

I am not my wife’s husband nor my children’s father. I refuse to admit being my mortgage’s signor and I’m not a canadian citizen. You won’t catch me believing in myths and I spend nary a penny on greeting cards. There’s no chance in hell I’ll ever be found in a line-up for a scary ride. […]

But First We Must Get Into A Deep Wineatative State

1. In the physical realm there are a limited number of named geographical areas. 2. This is not the case with our imaginative faculties which allow the average person to act out any condition they desire. 3. Unfortunately, just like folks stuck in a couple of heavily populated geographical states, many people choose to invent […]

Get On Board You PeckerHead

Every person on the planet needs a little Giorgio De Falco in their life. We need to invent someone like dude who will whisper in our ear and remind us that abandoning ship before the time is right will go very bad for us but if we live through these next few minutes our effect […]

All Hell Breaks Loose And More Than One At A Time

It never fails. When something unusual is happening get ready for something else unusual to happen because abnormal breeds more not normal and sideways always needs towels and a mop bucket. Not the good towels, either. Thank you, friend. Barry out.

When One Room Is Filthy We Should Be Wary Of The Entire House

Entitlement is like an invisible fungus that erodes all contact with sound thinking. If any person considers it in the clan’s best interest for them to have a bigger piece of cake than the people baking said cake, they will eventually encounter rational tribe members who will bring a halt to this process in order […]

Love Comes Here All The Time But It Don’t Stick Around

Think before you plant that garden. What is the water supply like and what was groan here before this and please don’t say this is a toxic site just because your seeds won’t take. Thank you, friend. Barry out.  

Bing and Go. Two Words.

Finding out stuff usually doesn’t happen all at once. Normally, its an innuendo here, a hair or pair of extra underwear there and before long the mole hills start adding up and we’re sitting on some wild hypothesis that right off any clear mind will say requires testing. So with this new small not very […]

Remind Me Not To Tell You About Liberty City

There is no place a person can go to do whatever they want. Bump into people. Ram them with your car. Whack them too many times with a baseball bat or a Fucking Ak 47.  And there shouldn’t be such a place because if there was everyone would want to go there and there aren’t […]

With Death Out Of The Equation Only Existence Matters

Our bodies tell us what is right in life and when we don’t listen they (heart, appendix, arse) attack us. Its not like we are separate from our monkey carters but more like passengers in a cab where the driver paid for a PhD and is pretty pissed about having to drive idiots and party […]

Every Second Spent Pissed Off At Reality Is Subtracted From Investigative Time

Sometimes folks play treeks on each other. This be one of those times. Thank you, friend. Barry out.

The Future Looks Horrific Through Hazard Assessment Eyes

The world is collapsing around us. And that’s exactly why so many more folks are wearing hard hats, helmets and noggin protectors all over the globe today because the bigger they get, the harder they fall and uh, better put your name on your hat, too. Thank you, friend. Barry out.

Don’t Go Acting All Weird And All & Just Let Us Cut Your Penis

In my club, we won’t do this. I fucking assure you. Thank you, friend. Barry out. I’ll be the first one to admit that I’m “Out There” but but faaaaacccckkkk. Dis be out der. Unbelievable what people have gotten away with. Clowning YES. Cloning NO. And women go through this, TOO!