Hazing – Tastes Awful, Works Great!

Boys Peeing from atop oil tanker
Follow The Yellow Slick Road

The guys could not wait to urinate on somebody.

Even though I was only twelve years old, I immediately understood that this was a powerful force which would require intelligent and cautious containment.

The wacky discovery revealed itself to me as I recruited my brother into my new gang: The Government Rode Bicycle Club.

In his acceptance speech, recruit #1 challenged the validity of joining any group supporting automatic approval of new affiliates and he began to ponder the deep questions which plague us all; what will change if I join this club? Why would anyone want to hang with the G.R.B.C.?

As fate would have it, recruit #1’s contemplation coincided with the club president climbing atop an abandoned oil tanker trailer to relieve his bladder and timing lent itself perfectly to an impromptu and relatively effortless initiation ritual.

To signify inclusion and deterย  squeamish applicants, all G.R.B.C. recruits would hereafter be required to navigate a chaotic fluid corridor provided by current club members from an honored perch high atop the tanker.

My brother quickly agreed to perform the edifying maneuver and as he entered the golden tunnel I intuitively added anointing to the process and drenched him appropriately.

Initially, new member #2 was not impressed but after the soon mandatory cooling and stinking down period, he was extremely keen to attract new initiates into our fledgling organization.

I remember being confused about my brother’s membership drive motivation but never-the-less, we found comrade #3 that same day and within a week counted most of the neighborhood kids as associates and were fervently “hazing” someone into our midst almost daily.

Tall Hats and Shiny Robes, Flags, Berets and Logos

Hazing or initiation rituals have played an important role in providing context for major life changes since the beginning of time.

For example:

  • Boy to King / Girl to Queen Rights Of Passage Initiation ceremonies exist in all cultures.
  • I Robot Emotional Desensitizing of Police, Military and Doctors is essential as they are often required to adhere to external codes of conduct in emergency situations.
  • Semper Fi, BuddyDeveloping Group Cohesiveness through hardship creates enduring relationships that can be relied upon in difficult situations. Fair weather friends don’t last.
  • We Are One Together – Hazing Levels The Playing Field and allows everyone to start from the same place. Similar to uniforms, ethics codes or ranks / designations.

Properly managed, hazing provides a clear demarcation to more committed levels of performance and important events in our lives.

You Got To Have A Membership Card To Get Inside

In spite of bad press and 44 states creating laws against initiation rituals, many groups continue to utilize hazing with good results.

  1. Political Leaders -many past US presidents have undergone secret Skull and Bones initiation rites
  2. US Street Gangs800,000 gang members in the US (2007) demand some serious initiation rituals.
  3. Motorcycle Gangs – wanna wear a patch? You gotta be a striker first.
  4. Organized Crime made men work hard before joining the family.
  5. Police and MilitaryWetting Down, Crossing The Equator, and Extreme Duress for Police Cadets are all part of their hazing rituals.
  6. Religionscircumcision, genital mutilation, celibacy and poverty. Faith based hazing can seem pretty tough.
  7. Sports TeamsGatorade buckets get dumped over heads continuously and hazing never stops, even if they want it to.
  8. Service Clubs – The Masons and many other service clubs use hazing rituals
  9. School Fraternities – Although closely monitored, schools have many interesting and weird hazing riturals
  10. Contractor Hazing Pranks – from the proverbial SkyHookย  to Toe Nailers, contractors love to haze their newbies.

Come Out Come Out Wherever You Are

graphic of construction apprentice and sky hook
Hazing Happens Daily in Construction

Initiation rituals deserve a proud place in our culture because performed properly, they will serve to develop character and commitment rather than fear and degradation.

And as wacky as some hazings might be, they definitely serve a purpose and have a place in our society.

The folks who think otherwise are all wet or should be ๐Ÿ™‚ .

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Barry Williams http://barry-williams.com/blog

Much of what I write will be quite understandable to insane folks.

The rest will be, uh, less understandable...

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Add yours
  1. 1
    John McNally

    Great story Barry, It’s handy having a brother when you want to start a new group. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Once members have gone through the hazing initiation, they want some fun putting other recruits through it, so it’s a good way to increase membership.

    Keep these insights coming Barry, you’re very entertaining. ๐Ÿ™‚


    • 2
      Barry Williams

      You are absolutely right, John.

      The funny thing about this story is that I eventually ended up taking things too far, like most groups who utilize hazing.

      The neighbor who owned the tanker frowned on one of my more extreme ideas involving his trailer and he came unglued in front of my whole club.

      His actions worked to gel us as a group but kinda scared me into realizing how far I had allowed the hazing thing to progress.

      Thanks for your comment, mister.

      Talk to you soon.


  2. 3
    Joane Maciejko

    You actually make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this topic to be actually one thing which I believe I might never understand. It seems too complicated and extremely large for me. I am having a look forward on your subsequent submit, I will try to get the cling of it!

    • 4
      Barry Williams

      Hazing is simple, really. If you like me and want to be my friend you will do things for me that no one else will.

      And if I want to be in your club, I’ll do the same for you.

      You first… ๐Ÿ˜Ž

      Thanks Joane.

  3. 5

    “The guys could not wait to urinate on somebody.”


    I can safely say in all my years of reading, that’s the first time I’ve seen that sentence! Very funny story and it makes me think of some of the hazing I endured (and subsequently made others endure) at Tulane.

    Keep up the witty stuff man!

  4. 8
    bekka king

    Hey Barry,

    Totally agree with you that hazing can serve a purpose and have a place in our society. Would you agree with me though that there is definitely a line there though?

    I’ve heard so man stories of hazing gone wrong you know?

    Curious to know what you think!



    • 9
      Barry Williams

      Yeah, I agree with you Bekka. Like axes, guns, and firewater, hazing can go sideways in a hurry and often does.

      Try breaking up a wrestling match or a couple of folks tying the poontang knot and you’ll run into the same complications. Those challenges to control exist in US, not in our actions so if someone is in control, hazing can be contained to the benefit of all involved.

      Thanks for your comment b.

  5. 10
    search textbooks

    Youre so cool! I dont suppose Ive learn something like this before. So nice to search out any individual with some original thoughts on this subject. realy thanks for beginning this up. this website is something that is wanted on the web, somebody with a bit of originality. useful job for bringing something new to the internet!

  6. 15
    Barry Williams

    I still resemble these remarks but need to add part 2 of this story.

    Shit went from ridiculous to deadly. I burned up a ton of luck by not killing anyone with some crraazzy hazing stunts as our antics got out of hand.

  7. 16
    Barry Williams

    This crazy old facker with eyes a’blazin and arms a’flailin’, hollerin’ like a madman, comes a’hightailin’ straight at us and the boys yanked our grease monkey out and heaved him over the side of the tanker as every rat lept from the ship we called Yinnow.

  8. 18

    Maybe cocaine is better than free thought because free thought ain’t free.
    Maybe I read that and maybe I made that up but either way betcha I’m wrong.

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