So, you hate your mother?!
Well, familiarity breeds contempt.
I see that you keep the new car spotless while the old auto gathers dust in the back yard. That’s familiarity breeding contempt.
You say that last year’s wardrobe is garbage because its so “yesterday” but this new outfit you’re wearing today is wonderful? Hmm.
Like it or not, waning appreciation is a fact of life and every thing is continuously and contemptuously breaking down all around us.
Who Asked You?
Never were we questioned as to which family we would like to join and yet without any prior input into who we would be calling mom, dad, brother or sister, existence yanked us from nowhere to now here.
And the second we responded to the Big Tug, we owned every situation we encountered and life with all its challenges became ours to navigate, enjoy or endure.
Popping in on folks without warning can be traumatic and as such, families can sometimes wind up comprised of selfish and demanding participants who suffer constantly while striving diligently to ensure that everyone else in the group does too.
People in these situations feel trapped and that horrible sense of being helplessly cornered by folks you care about can be explained with a single word – crevasse.
Crevasse describes the psychological disassociation endured by family members who feel emotionally disconnected from the very group of people they were born into.
The disconcerting confusion that reigns in these traumatic situations is undeniable but becomes more bearable when one knows that a word exists to describe this seemingly unique situation. (crevasse)
We Will Love Strangers
The completely opposite is true when it comes to choosing cohorts in life.
In a surprisingly short time we can come to know and love strangers as marriage partners, close business associates and true friends in a manner that standoffish blood relatives might find puzzling. This type of relationship too, has a name.
Granfalloon was a term originally employed to describe a proud and meaningless association of humans but over the past few decades it has been the descriptor for the often incredible relationships that develop between unconnected people.
This interpersonal attraction between strangers can be so strong that it is difficult for the participants to comprehend but once again, just knowing this is a normal state of evolution allows for a reduction in guilt or anxiety for anyone with more compassion for their friends than their inherited family.
Life Is What We Call It
Sooner or later, every one of us faces situations where we yearn to know if anyone else experiences life as we do.
Granfalloon and crevasse can help by defining two of life’s most perplexing relationship challenges and with this knowledge in mind, we can all love mothers a wee bit more – even if they’re not ours…
Thank you, friend.
Barry out.
Hi Barry
It’s a strange fact of life that we can sometimes have better relationships with friends than with some members of our own family.
I personally had a better relationship with an uncle than I did with my own father. My son and I get on perfectly, I look upon him as a mate and I hope he feels the same.
As the old saying goes – “You can chose your friends but you can’t chose your family”.
Bill
@Bill Murney,
I find it kind of funny that all through children’s lives we tell them not to talk to strangers and then one day, if we’re not careful, they become one themselves or marry one.
Life is mysterious and kinda confusing at times, isn’t it Bill?
Good post Barry,
So true, So true. My family had no idea who I was or what I was about. The never bothered to ask. All they did was tell or yell. No meaningful communication in my house. That’s why I was out of there by the time I was 16 years old. I went looking for my team. And guess what. I found them in the friends i chose.
Thanks for stopping by my blog. It’s nice to meet you.
Gayla
Thanks Gayla.
Yep, even at age 53 I feel the pangs of “what if” as my father lies dying on his death bed.
Even though I am his oldest son whom he relied on a lot, he has no idea who I am nor does he know that he doesn’t know.
Me, I worked hard to learn as much as I could over the past 20 years to ensure I didn’t wind up like the old man but alas, my genes have something to say about it. At the very least though, I have come to the understanding that I know I don’t know. From here I can find out.
Thanks so much for your comment ma’am, I look forward to learning more about you.
Have a grand day, Gayla.
Being a family member is pot luck Barry. It wasn’t until later years that I realised I had a lucky throw of the dice. 🙂 My Mother is wonderful and my brother is my best friend. I didn’t throw sixes all the time though, my Father died when I was 17.
I thought you were making up words with ‘granfalloon’, but I checked with the Great God Google, and it was Kurt Vonnegut who made the word up, in the 1963 novel ‘Cats Cradle’.
Crevasse must be your invention Barry? It just means a crack in the ice to me, though I can see its use for members of a dysfunctional family.
Keep the education coming Barry, I can’t afford college any more. 😉
John
John McNally recently posted..Dreamweaver or XsitePro
Hi Barry,
Boy can I relate to this one, from both myself and my partners point of view.
It is a little sad when we realise that we really do not have a lot in common with our blood. And in some cases our blood can actually be quite toxic people and better off out of our lives.
As I have gotten older I have developed a level of do unto others as you do to you.
In other words I treat people with respect and compassion and gratitude. And if people do not do the same to me no matter what their circumstances or who they are, then I will no longer have anything to do with them even if they are blood.
Just because people are blood does not give them the right to treat you like crap!
Just my 2 cents, I don’t want to get myself started on this topic as both my hubby and myself come from very dysfunctional and very toxic families that we don’t have anything to do with anymore other than civil politeness as we want our lives to be happy and will only allow happy people and positive influences in.
The irony here, is that it took the birth of our daughter and as our daughter gets older did we realise the importance of positive energy over negative. And if that means we don’t see family in order to keep our home a happy home then so be it! 😀
Hope all is going well.
Cheers
Jacinta 😀
Jacinta D recently posted..Introducing Internet Marketer – Roy Carter – Another Great Audio To Listen To!
Thanks Jacinta,
Yeah, I find it kind of strange how as kids we were told not to speak to strangers and then we end up becoming one…
Life is strange but people are stranger.
I really appreciate the comment Jacinta, talk to you soon.
Barry
Barry,
Love your sense of humor and twist you lend to your posts. Families and life are so multi-faceted that to describe a norm is difficult.
Good thoughts to ponder here. I am unable to form a short answer that doesn’t go off on rabbit trails, so I will just say this has me rolling all the ideas around and around in my mind. Hmmmmm…
Val 🙂
Val Wilcox recently posted..QTIP
Hey Val,
Madam, I am a bit player compared to you and I am definitely going to be studying your site.
You certainly have attracted a pile of great people and I look forward to getting to know you.
Thanks for your time Val, have a grand day.
Barry
I really appreciate anyone who reads this because when I first wrote it there were few other descriptions of these weird situations we humans find ourselves in.
Now I see that many people feel the way I do and are searching for the same answers.
Atsa very good!
Tribes, man. That’s what life’s aboot.
Nope, you, your trip is what life is all aboot.
Barry Williams recently posted..Creativity Wound