Wrongaholic Twelve Steps – Step 5 – The Grass Is As Green As You Are

Wrongaholic step 5 – The Grass Is As Green As You Are ***in production***

Premise of story:

We imagine circumstances are better somewhere else or for another person on account of familiarity breeding contempt and absence making the heart grow fond.

By recognizing the existence of these principles we can diminish the denigration of our location and station in life while acknowledging that boredom burns by causing us to re-soot the wall of our teepee until it sometimes bursts into flame..

Having said that, if you can’t stand the heat in the kitchen or if things have gotten too hot to handle, get outa there! 

As in: Move out before you get burned out.

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“That’s bullshit!”

“We’re outa here!”

Those five well worn words influenced my life (and those unfortunates under my guidance) many times and whenever they slipped from my pie hole a lot of shit hit the fan and it usually would up looking like this:

1. I would quit my job or more likely just never show up again to my workplace.
2. My finer than I knew back then wife Kathy and I would box / blag bag every bit of our not great yardsale shite for transport by Greyhound bus to Destination Next.
3. Kathy would close utility, television and phone accounts.
4. She’d apply to have our mail forwarded. (unless there were bills with collectors attached)
5. Many semi-anxious trips to the dump to permanently store excess collected life-crapola.
6. Together we’d clean up our apartment and range oven better than it’s ever been cleaned so we could get our damage deposit back. (to buy getaway gas for our old jalopy)
7. Try not to get pissed off listening to the moans and groans as dozens of people re-whited out their address books on our already thick white address book page.
8. Traveling somewhere totally new with almost no money left, no place to live and no job to go to.
9. Locating a place to rent where they will wait for the first month’s rent and damage deposit.
10. Finding a new job, unboxing / debagging stuff, employing full boxes as furniture, opening utility, television and phone accounts, set up new mail box, search dump for suitable stuff as furniture, ruining clean carpets by dragging old shit in and informing every new address critic what our new temporary address is.

Yep, the grass was always greener somewhere else for me.

So green in fact that over a 15 year period I moved my family 31 times.

That’s no typo. Thirty one times!

Even as I write this I am hard pressed to believe my gypsy past but that is exactly where I have to go to tell you about Wrongaholic Step 5 – The Grass Is As Green As You Are.

In this step we will explore the famed geographical cure so you may better know if and when to employ it, why it works and when it doesn’t.

We’ll start this step by analyzing why people don’t pull up stakes and how this lack of flight influences them.

Hands Up And Git On The Ground!

Anyone can freeze in location and lots of folks do just that.

These people are so afraid of hearing “Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out…” that they ain’t leaving until the place is empty.

They’ll gladly be the last person sitting and then, and only then, they’ll consider changing their position.

By ‘they’ I mean anyone and anything that causes people to want to stay who and where they are by they, themselves staying who, and where they are.  Family values. Tradition. Take yer hat off and put yer hand on yer chest.

No man left behind, some military forces say and some schools also professed to not leaving anychildren behind.

At the expense of what?

What? Did they think the water was going to be parted forever?!

Sorry, don’t blame the water, learned men say.  When its time to go, its time to go! Life waits for no man.

Leaving generally means that ourselves or someone around us desires the wide open pastures of a new locale in order to gauge the potential contrast between locations. Sometimes it is the place that’s nasty and just hanging around it will get on us. Toxic dumps don’t care who they infect and they don’t ask if its okay, either. They just boil and bubble away, altering everything around them.

And even toxic dumps don’t get some folks down. They acknowledge the challenge and they take precautions against it but they don’t move. They stay put. Better the devil you know, they say.

The Man That Refused To Be Blown Away

Some people are so anchored to their spot on the planet that like a suicidal Christian bent on Exposés at a Muslim convention they hang on to their beliefs at all costs. So even with a category 5 hurricane raging toward them, they are unmoved. That piece of dirt with wood piled on it means more to them than the life that makes it valuable.

Through hell, high water and incredibly unpredictable circumstances they stay put.

*** this shite in production ***

Senior citizens don’t move around much.

By this I mean they don’t pack up their stuff and head off into the wild blue yonder with their belongs strapped to their back on account of they have developed a lifestyle based on sit and wait rather than boot and scoot.

You don’t see old people rotating their entire life because their boss wouldn’t give them the weekend off. Old people know about bosses and weekends and they know that neither are worth changing a phone number over.

So what to old people do? They chalk their experiences up in situ and develop patterns and pigeon holes that they drop people and life shit into so they can accurately predict what certain circumstances will bring.

some shit flows and other stuff blows up