When Your Neighbor Hates You And You Can’t Move

So when you walk too fast past the neighbor’s house, he attacks you.

If you happen to glance when the neighbor is glancing, he’ll throw shit right in your eyes. You’ll get cataracts if you’re lucky.

And the couple of times the neighbor’s woke you up in the middle of the night by stabbing you deep in each calf?

Ooch that effing hurt and you hollered GODDAMN IT YOU SONOFABITCH but the neighbor left his knife in, fucking thing flopping out the wound as you kangaroo’d about the room at 3 a.m.

That was fun… remember?

Oh, and remember when he wouldn’t let you piss or get a goddamn boner?! You could hear the bastard chuckling as your bladder slowly exploded but that wasn’t the worst. How many times when you wanted to practice procreating, that SONOFABITCH was waiting in the closet to ensure there’d be humiliation and guilt where heaven, you hoped, might be?

Will you be friends with your neighbor?

He wants to be your body.

In sanity,

Your friend Barry.