My Secret Blog Idea Plan – How To Appear Extweemly, Extweemly Intelligent

Original ideas are a dime a dozen.

Here is my formula for faking new perspectives:

  1. I think of something: for example (cars) and ask my mom and dad: (wikipedia and google) about it.
  2. They tell me lots of stuff no one should ever have to know about something – let’s say automobiles.
  3. I look for the most frightening or absurd concept about vehicles, get my crayons out and start pretending.

Where I get my ideas:

  1. This thing plus one. Cars are dangerous and people more preoccupied. Add phone worms in people’s ears. Hmm. I wonder where this is headed and I don’t mean figuratively…
  2. Reading between the lines. Look! Up in the sky! Is it a bird, a plane, what is it? Its an idea hiding right there between those two obvious ones!
  3. What Did You Just Call Me?! I visit my dad’s girlfriend (thesaurus.com) whom I am infatuated with to get her side of my story.
  4. Dis-inhibitors: Wine and Lysergic Acid Diethylamide seem to help me (you’ve got to watch your levels, though). If you can produce something worthwhile reading from the same mindset as your reader, puh-leease let me know how you do it. 😎
  5. Cesarean Section a Title – I know this is important and I screw up here all the time. But once you have a name for your country, a flag and national anthem are right behind.

Creating The Article

I have limited talent in this field but this whole process is imaginary so I pretend that I do have at least rudimentary writing skills and begin typing things which often resemble words.

Initially, I just write down any ideas and proprietary evidence (no one is an expert on what I think but me!) that come into my awareness. The concept which I have developed to this point is at best normal and at worst stupid. (I call this framing) – hard to improve on nothing.

Then, I refine the story by using more appropriate words to clarify the new thoughts I am having. I also try to chop out unnecessary language at this point. (patching & painting)

Next, I attempt to shine up those ideas by putting my special distortion on them and hopefully have enough made up original stuff to override a few of the smarter arguments which might carelessly attempt to disprove my opinion. (Tom Foolery)

Other than posting your now original threats and then occasionally checking / updating the post as your worldview shifts over the next few days, your job as a budding cadet author is well underway!

Atten – Hut!

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

PS. In 96 hrs I updated this post 12 times as my mind changed about how to try and tell you the story properly.(July 28, 2010)


Update: Feb 4, 2012 (end of the world year)

This is my new and improved story inwenchion process:

1. Blab a title. Any order of words will work because chances are good you’ll be changing them anyway.

2. Imagine and record as many points as possible about your concept and then read between your lines.

3. All ideas may be bent but not killed. Tortured but never extinguished. Stretched but not snapped.

4. Start with some weird aspect of your idea. The opposite of it, remark on its strangeness. Keep this short.

5. Expand on your idea from any degree within the 360 available to you in a couple of hundred words.

6. Finish by explaining how things would be so much better if you were running the world.

7. Fake proof for your concept so it can enter the psychological lexicon of your culture.

8. Start adding PhD behind your name.

9. Wake up the next day and edit your story while sober.

10. Keep editing over daze as the idea gels or gets slippery. Kill no idea. Ever.

11. Maintain your writing fluid levels and make your words form shapes.

12. Don’t believe everything you read, hear or see.

13. For criminy sakes, pull something new out of reality.

14. At ease, author!

Update #2 December 2012

See, I didn’t think we were going to last this long so now I have to update this stupid story again… Sheesh!

Learn Original ArseHole Writing From Barry L. ArseHole Williams

https://barry-williams.com/blog/learn-original-arsehole-writing-from-barry-l-arsehole-williams/

Barry Williams http://barry-williams.com/blog

Much of what I write will be quite understandable to insane folks.

The rest will be, uh, less understandable...

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133Comments

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  1. 1
    John McNally

    I was frightened of writing on the internet at first Barry, because I thought as it was ‘published’ it had to be accurate. But now I’ve realised everything is just opinion anyway, and my opinion is just as valid as someone else’s. 8)

    Poor old Pontius Pilate worried about “What is Truth?” ages ago. I don’t worry about it, I’m happy with the weltanschauung (world view) I have created for myself. πŸ˜‰

    John
    John McNally recently posted..BLOG HOPPING for TRAFFIC

  2. 2
    Barry Williams

    I have always enjoyed doing research and writing this blog puts me in contact with concepts I have been pondering for decades.

    The way I figure it is if I invest 10 hours of research on a subject and can find some nugget of new knowledge or look at the old knowledge in a new way and present that to my readers, I have just saved them 10 hours of life in relation to the time they might spend on my blog.

    If, over the course of the lifetime of my blog, I can save a few hundred or thousands of readers 10 hrs each, I have essentially generated a pile of intelligence while saving my students a whack of life. Its like making kids you don’t have to feed!

    The bonus in all of this is that our attempt to understand reality reduces entropy and increases organization and that is dang good for the universe!

    That’s what I love about blogging – everything.

    I also think you are a great dude who is making the world a better place. Good on you, John.

    Talk to you later pal.

    Barry

  3. 3
    Barry Wells

    Hi Barry, great post. I’m taking part in the 100 blog comment challenge and as i’ve been looking around some of the blogs i’ve come across a few people that are struggling and would make great use of this post.

    If you’re up for the challenge Barry let me know and i’ll add this permalink to the contributors page on my blog and try and drive some traffic here.

    Catch up soon, Barry Wells
    Barry Wells recently posted..Bloggers- Need A Little Lift

  4. 8
    John McNally

    Barry, If you want more of your original posts showing on the first page, with the first couple of paragraphs and a link to read the full post (like my blog), install the plugin ‘Post Teaser’ by WeyHan Ng.

    I have made my 100 comment post ‘sticky’ so it stays at the top, but as only a couple of paragraphs are showing, visitors can still see my new post underneath. 8)

    John
    John McNally recently posted..Squeeze Page WEBSITE

  5. 10
    Mike Walsh

    Hi Barry,

    Fake it til you make it. And add a little (or a lot of) humor. I know it works, just need to keep working to get there. Thanks for the post, I enjoyed it.

    Have a Great Day,

    Mike

  6. 12
    Allen Davis

    Barry,

    I didn’t want to comment here because I really hope Roonie wins the comment challenge… but I just had to say this.

    OMG, re you nuts? Is there any semblance of reality in the twisted stuff you call thoughts wandering around in your head? I think you need to up the dosage on your LSD.
    Allen Davis recently posted..Do You Deliver

  7. 16
    Terry Conti

    Hi Mister Barry, it’s always a pleasure to read your unique informative posts. Very good way to improve your writing skills, thank you for the info. Can you send me some of that LSD?

    Don’t be taking any of that stuff at your new job at the airport, you wouldn’t want everyone smiling too too much because if the security, customs and the pilots start smiling it not going to be a good thing.

    I love you man…Mister Terry Conti not Terri Conti

    I’m watching you…
    Terry Conti recently posted..Sell your ebook on its own or put it on Clickbank What do you think

    • 17
      Barry Williams

      Howdy Terry,

      I wonder how many people are an expert in feeling like a dork?

      My apologies for calling you a girl.

      That was wrong of me and now I have to think of a brand new name for you.

      Friend, perhaps?

      I am so very grateful to you, MISTER. Thank you.

      Barry

  8. 18
    Bill Murney

    Hi Barry,

    Well pal I have to say ‘you are a one off’ if you don’t know what that means it’s a Brit expression meaning there are not many like you and I mean it as a compliment.

    Any chance of gaining entry to your world Barry as the one we lesser mortals inhabit is getting worse.

    Keep up the unusual posts I’m all for something different!

    Regards,

    Bill

    • 19
      Barry Williams

      Whassup Sir Bill?

      Gee, mister. I was just about to ask how much rent I owe you for hanging my hat in your existence.

      I so much appreciate you noticing the distinct difference between lesser and mere mortals.

      You, my fine feathered friend, obviously belong to that limited group of aware animals who recognize that there is a Grate in Life. A sieve through which the pressured crumb called “lesser” actually implies that something called greater exists.

      Me, I am still at “mere” which is the stand the lesser grate is built upon but it is obvious to me that I won’t be here long.

      Thank you, thank you, thank you Bill for being one off me, too.

      Barry

  9. 20
    mike shepherd

    Hi Barry
    All this talk of LySergic acid Diethylamide takes me on a trip down memory lane being a 60`s child and all that.
    I love the way you write,it ebbs and flows like a universal tide with a dash of space dust, if this makes any sense you need to lower your dose.
    Many thanks for your super little post, I`m just writing any to see what happens

    Cheers
    Mike

    • 26
      Barry Williams

      My Good Man Michael,

      Brother, you hit the nail on the head! How many folks know anything about their heart or gut?

      How many have the heart or the guts to not only survive, but thrive?

      How few people understand that heart can exist outside the human body just as folks have survived working their guts out for some merciless tyrant?

      Heart and Guts, friend. I do so love the way you think!

      Barry

    • 28
      Barry Williams

      Oh Buddy, I can’t tell you how great it is to see you type those words…

      So many times I have felt the same thing myself: What is he talking about?! and uh, quite often – WHO is that that is talking?

      Mr. Ripley, believe it or not, I think you and I are on the same wavelength even if I seem kinda particle-ish at times.

      Thanks very much for your comment, Brian. Have a grand day, pal.

      Barry

  10. 29
    JasonSer@The Most Powerful Inspirational Quote Of Your Life.

    Hey Barry,
    Roger that loud and clear!

    Your post here twist my mind wuite a bit and made my thoughts fly in 8 diffrent directions!

    Wish I can have as much wit as you for my writing.English not excactly my 1st language but had been working hard on it for years.

    Like it when you wrote…

    “But once you have a name for your country, a flag and national anthem are right behind.”

    Is just so clever!

    Very Nice Tips For writing you have here.

    Cheers
    JasonSer

    • 30
      Barry Williams

      Holy Moly!

      I am not fooled for one minute, mister.

      I’ve been to your blog and you speak to your audience so adeptly in non native tongues it is obvious you must be watched very, very closely.

      From what I saw, you seem to be collecting the intelligence of several people and piling it up in one spot…YOUR BLOG!

      I am on to you, friend.

      Thanks so very much for your comment, Jason. Great to meet you.

      Barry

  11. 32
    Barry Wells

    Hi Barry, i’m putting a twitter list together for the contributors to the 100 blog comment challenge.

    Could you let me have your twitter name please so i can add you to the list.

    Barry

    • 33
      Barry Williams

      Hey There Mr. Wells,

      I don’t have a twitter account yet, my friend and while I know it is important, I’m not sure that is my bag.

      Thanks very much for all this effort you are investing for us Barry. I am writing a post on Altruism and while I am putting it together I think about you and all the other people I have met through John Thornhill’s course.

      For a while, I had almost given up hope that folks existed who would reach down and help another up. You and the people you hang with have allowed me to experience a paradigm shift regarding human nature and for that, mister, I am deeply grateful.

      Have a grand day, brother.

      Barry

  12. 35
    Steve King

    Hi Barry
    Funniest post I’ve read in ages!

    I’m still chuckling as I write my comment. I’d like to find something witty to say…alas.

    Maybe the newspaper journalists could use your methods…it would make a refreshing change from reading stuff that’s just made up πŸ˜‰

    Cheers
    Steve

    • 36
      Barry Williams

      Howdy Steve,

      Your comment reminded me that just a few years ago my wife and I believed everything written in newspapers.

      Okay, The Enquirer and such tabloids I cut some slack but for the most part we understood that “some force” must be regulating what is written about stuff.

      Then one day the newspaper wrote something about me that was far from a reality that only my wife and I knew to be true (and no, this wasn’t that indecent exposure thing… πŸ˜‰ ). We were flabbergasted at how naive we had been for our entire lives!

      Now, I have joined you behind the powerful Wizard of Oz Keyboards Ruling The World and here we find ourselves, tap tapping out any old reality we choose…

      Thank you so much for blazing trail for us, Steve. It is very much appreciated.

      Barry

      NOTE: Please visit Steve’s blog and check out his Post “A Hundred Up and A Happy Dance” where he talks turkey about real online earnings.
      It will change your mind

      .

    • 42
      Barry Williams

      Thank you, thank you, thank you Stuart.

      I work hard at being crazy and its not as easy as it seems. There’s a fair bit of competition and all the real good jobs for crazy people are taken.

      One day we will meet and have those beers, my friend. And right after we slam a couple ‘o pints, could you lend me a few quid for a taxi ride around town?

      Beer turns me into a travelin’ man.

      Have a grand day, pal.

    • 44
      Barry Williams

      Yo Mr. Carr,

      I thank you for your comment and totally agree with you. If people know how to comprehend sheer craziness, they will understand my posts.

      And if only ONE person gets what I am saying, I wish they would contact me because I need an interpreter.

    • 46
      Barry Williams

      Howdy Gert,

      Uh, how did you know I had a challenge? My wife wasn’t supposed to be telling anybody about that. Dang it!

      Am I the only 53 year old turd in the world that has to wear adult diapers due to incontinence? I highly doubt it.

      Anyway, I appreciate you stopping by Gert – even if you revealed a very personal secret of mine… 😎

      Now, I’ll just wipe off this saddle and trot right on over to your blognation.

      HeeYa! Gidee-Up!

      Barry

  13. 47
    Lisa

    Hi Barry,
    I am trying to write a valuable comment, but can’t think of one! I have no idea what you said in your post! Is it me? I can’t translate it into anything I can understand!

    Can you? πŸ™‚

    Lisa~
    Lisa recently posted..How Did I Get HERE

    • 48
      Barry Williams

      Good Day Ma’am,

      When I grow up I want to be just like Nostradamus and this is the reason for most of my writing being in code.

      Then again, this might be due to the fact that I am confused most of the time and I don’t want to be alone so I am inviting everyone else to join me. Hey, I think I just figured something out about myself!

      Wow! Your confusion is actually leading me to greater understanding. Holy Moly…

      Thank you for your clarifying comment Lisa, it is much appreciated.

  14. 49
    Rob Corrigan

    Hi Barry,

    I really did feel a bit of a fraud when I started writing on th internet after all there were many many other people far more knowledgeable than I am about every thing, but these days what the hell after all it what I think no one needs to agree with me.

    Cheers
    Rob

    • 50
      Barry Williams

      Howdy Rob,

      Every person who dared speak their mind has been criticized and urged to conformity.

      However, evolution demands that we voice our opinion while exploring every nook and cranny of our worldview and this is what I feel blogging is. What a wonderful opportunity to learn from each other while gaining an understanding of where we fit in the entire scheme of things.

      You are one wise dude, mister and the opinions you espouse on your blog are not just valid but extremely awareness expanding.

      Thank you, friend.

    • 52
      Barry Williams

      Hello my brother,

      Uh, Hel-lo-o Bryan, we are brothers, remember?

      Our dads are like five basket cases apart. At the most!

      I hope you vacuumed behind the couch because I’m coming over…

      Later, brother Bryan. (actually, I have a closer brother Brian… πŸ˜‰ )

    • 54
      Barry Williams

      Thank you so much, Deb.

      You are right when you say that humor better be intelligent or its not humor. Its funny criticism and slowly but surely, that impostor is poisoning us against good humor.

      For day trading, as you propose to do, I think a sense of humor is going to be mandatory. Don’t you? 😎

      Thanks missus.

      Barry

  15. 59
    igor Griffiths

    Hi Barry

    I know how feel, I have plenty of nearly finished articles lying around my article folder, however I am making progress and a lot of it is a mindset thing, I never write articles, I just post them on ezinearticles. However today it all changed and now I say publish.

    Keep at it and stay focussed. I received my first subscriber from my resource box links, today!

    Do not be afraid to admit your weaknesses, one of mine is grammar, which is an unfortunate lack of skill to have as a writer!

    Thus I bought a guide, being Scottish and an Engineer, this will come in very handy.

    all the best

    igor

  16. 62
    Lauren Lionheart

    That’s a great 3 step plan, Barry.

    I think to some extent, we all have bursts of truly unique genius. More frequently, our uniqueness comes in the form of personal perspective. And that’s a really valuable contribution! Like you said “no one is an expert on what I think but me!”

    With your experiences and understandings, your perspective on cars is going to be different than anyone else’s. Same goes for any topic.

    Being your wacky, authentic self is key for success in any area of life. Blogging included. (In fact, it’s one of the 7 Secrets in my free report @ http://GetWordPressBlog.com) Your Step #3 is another great testimonial to that fact.
    Lauren Lionheart recently posted..Top 7 Ways Cruises Are Superior to Flights

  17. 68
    Andreas Spyrou @ Free Affiliate Marketing Tips

    Hi Barry,

    Everyone is expert and intelligence in something. You don’t have to be pretending or have a PhD to be considered as an expert in something or just to share knowledge like you did in this blog post.

    And wow Barry! Your writing style is a little bit weird BUT it’s also unique and humorous and although it’s hard to understand you (from the first reading) once someone understands your concept he will be devoted to you!

    I will definitely have a closer look on your future blog posts.

    Take care,
    Andreas
    Andreas Spyrou @ Free Affiliate Marketing Tips recently posted..The Biggest Affiliate Marketing Mistake – Mistake 6

  18. 70
    Jess Webb

    Hi Barry!

    Enjoyed reading your post – you have a great sense of humor. It was a refreshing read. πŸ™‚ I particularly liked the part about finding the most frightening or absurd part of your subject and focusing on that. πŸ˜‰ lol. Great idea for generating unique content, that’s for sure! πŸ™‚
    Jess Webb recently posted..Sustainability for Digital Entrepreneurs

  19. 73
    Steven Wilkins

    Hi Barry,

    I don’t think there is anything wrong with exageratting in your posts or what you write online. I know some marketers who use a different identity altogether, as long as it isn’t blatent lies and you are indeed helping others, I ask – whats the harm?

    I think your writing style is very amusing and very refreshing I shall look forward to returning πŸ™‚

    Regards,
    Steve Wilkins.
    Steven Wilkins recently posted..I haven’t done anything today!

  20. 74
    Pierre Trudel

    Hi Barry,
    Great post that comes from the man himself. I do not know you and you do not know me. That creates equality. Isn’t that a start?
    I am here from the 100 comment challenge at http://theequest.com/?p=3018. Join Pierrette & I and tell me what you think?
    I write what comes out not what went in. My thoughts are not programed but my program is my own.
    Continue to be you, please don’t change? That was the old conservative way.
    Pierre
    Thee Quest For Perfect health

  21. 76
    Ray

    Hi Barry,

    You really are unique, I had to read the post three times just in case I had misread something.
    In ‘Creating The Article’ I really understood where you were coming from,as that is the way I have written articles,and blog posts.

    As always, a great read!

    Thank’s

    Ray

  22. 77
    Mark@markwsherman.com

    Hi Barry,

    After a long day at the office, I think it’s time for a beer! I have to commend you for this post, as I really needed a good laugh…especially when I read Martyn Boaden’s comment.

    Keep up the great work!

    Mark

  23. 78
    Jacinta Dean

    Hi Barry,

    What a friggin funny post! πŸ˜†

    I just sat there giggling all the way through it and had absolutely no idea what you were talking about!

    Remember: Me Bimbo!! There is a lot of space up there between my eyes where I am meant to get my ideas from! πŸ˜† I am very easily confused! Some say I have mummy brain, I say ‘huh?’ πŸ˜›

    Hope everything is going well with the challenge, keep the comments up!

    Cheers

    Jacinta πŸ˜€
    Jacinta Dean recently posted..The 100 Blog Comment Challenge Update!

  24. 79
    Brian Alcock

    Hi Barry,

    What can I add that hasn’t already been said, you are great value my friend. I love your writing style even if it appears a little zany at times.

    You most definitely write from the heart which is inspiring and you are indeed an expert in what you think Barry. Great to meet you on the challenge and rest assured I will be back soon for more.

    Regards,

    Brian
    Brian Alcock recently posted..So You Failed…So What!!

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