When Admirerers Become Real

I’m just sitting here one day and BAM!

In comes a letter.

Now, I ain’t had no conversation with anyone real for some time so I’m stoked!

A letter!

From someone…

To me!

With trembling hands I respectfully consider opening it.

Might need to use this envelope. Don’t got no envelopes ‘cept this one so I sneak it open real careful-like.

Holy! The paper inside is beautifully folded.

Perfectly set inside a pristine envelope. Not a speck of anything ‘cept clean, brilliant paper.

Whomever folded this paper knew what they were doing.

Snug as a bug in a rug! It fits perfectly inside the envelope with zero wasted space. 

A well thought out, perfect fit!

Exciting!

And the paper…!

Whoa, it’s sparkling white, crisp and not that cheap photocopy stock that a person can see right through.

Uh uh.

Nope, this is high quality paper. So high there is absolutely no evidence of ink bleed on it’s unblemished surface.

Mmm. Even smells good.

Like the yummiest envelope glue ever stuck on wood fiber.

And, THERE IT IS!

There’s my name!

Mr. Barry L. Williams!

Mister!

Oh boy, that’s me!

Lessee…

Okay, it looks like some kind of form letter. From a collection agency.

But oh, what form!

While the body of this communication could surely apply to anyone, someone definitely accurately typed my name into a database and then looked up my name from their database and copied it and then applied it to this letter!

Sure they might have utilized some kind of program to do this but… I bet the person who typed my name into the computer wondered about me.

Barry L. Williams, she must have thought. I wonder what he looks like? I wonder how smart he is?

I wonder if he is as intelligent and good looking as his name suggests?

I bet she pondered my name for a good, long time.

She probably typed it into the database right before lunchtime and by coincidence, the name Barry L. Williams stuck with her throughout her lunch break.

Yeah, she probably returned to her desk and immediately started feeling a bit down as her subconscious mind compared how boring and non thought provoking the names she was now entering into her database seemed.

Compared to the glorious name of Mister Barry L. Williams.

But what about the person who gave her my name to type into that database?

Hmm…?

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.