Archive for January, 2013

My Father On Coke

JESUS DAD CALM DOWN! I would be grabbing my father by the shoulder as he tried to scramble out of the restaurant booth. I’d have to physically push him back down into his seat because he wouldn’t want to listen to any more of my bullshit. “For christ’s sake Barry, that’s horseshit, don’t eat it!” […]

No Ones Ever Collected The Entropy From My Mouse. I Always Had To Do That…

Today I rubbed bellies with Kim Dotcom. Yeah, Ahm officially one of the parasites now feeding at his free fifty whatever electronic storage trough. I don’t have a clue how to use the site yet and maybe never will but I do have the distinct feeling that Kim is already using me. Fer example, upon […]

I Don’t Want To Call The Guy A Crook So Let’s Say He Might Be A Crok

Most folks know about buffoonery. They can’t quite describe it in words but they’re certain it runs hand in glove with hanker-chiefs, bow-ties and comb-overs. Thank you, friend. Barry out.

Politics Is A Formidable And Dubious Form Of So-So Entertainment

Many folks don’t mind paying fifteen dollars for popcorn. They might even go for the entire number two special for just shy of twenty-five dollars with the full knowledge that they’re being ripped off ten ways from Sunday on account of them going to the movies by choice. Thank you, friend. Barry out. The Latest […]

The Red Light Makes You Stupid. The Green Light Makes You Stupid. The Yellow

One day this strapping young fellow walked by my humble abode. “Say there oldtimer,” the friendly lad called out to me. “It’s a lovely, bright day today and I notice you’ve been sitting on your deck all morning. Why don’t you come for a walk with me?” “Well, I would,” I replied, “but my dang […]

As Our Handlers Taught Us, Secrets Are Okay. So We Started Keeping Them Too.

Most folks know about privilege. They understand that taken to extremes it separates the men so completely from the boys that no one even wonders where the girls are. Thank you, friend. Barry out. Yeah, what he said… Resnica o volitvah slovenski podnapisi  

Its Hard Not To Feel Sorry For YerSelf If No One Else Is Doing It

Most folks need caring. They must care about themselves primarily of course but must also care about others because planting little concern reaps double. Thank you, friend. Barry out. Dirty South Hustla by Carolina Slim

You Are Ah, Lying In A Cage

Many folks know about parameters. They understand that people can only accomplish things within reason and if that is warped yer over’s loaded. Thank you, friend. Barry out.

The Woman Shrieked As The First Hammer Hit And Then Everyone Jis Went Wild!

One day when I was 15 years old my father called to me from outside our autobody shop. I heard him holler “Barry, c’mere and bring a hedge-hanger!” The c’mere part I got but the hanger portion seemed a bit off even in our wacky world so I jogged toward his voice to clarify the […]

As Dude Surrounded Himself With Low Esteemers I Wanted Into That Club

My father attracted subservient people. He became so good at it that he even found a god that would lend an ear to the great one himself, Gary Williams. Dad started is own AA group (shush – its anonymous), his own church and attracted his own traveling Serpentine Fluid Promoter to preach to the faithful. […]

Yer Neither Innocent Nor ByStanding

Many folks have stinky farts. They break wind at the most inopportune time which might coincide with a fellow fart smeller entering the arena and whom, upon experiencing said foul but recognizable aroma, automatically suspects them. Thank you, friend. Barry out.

Some Of My Writing Is Absolute Garbage. Some Is Poor And A Wee Bit Is Brilliant.

Oil don’t look like gasoline when it comes out of the ground. Someone has to move a pile of dirt to find silver and diamonds look more like lumps of coal than the diamonds we all know & love when they’re first found.  My writing is the same on account of I cain’t tell what’s […]

Impulse, Impulse. Which One To Follow?

Most folks appreciate choices. They know though that when they’re given too many the decision process slows waay down and that seems to stump enough people that maybe you go first. Thank you, friend. Barry out.

When A Whale Attacks A Ship Is It Like An Airplane Attacking A SpaceCraft?

Many folks have heard of Moby Dick. They usually don’t know that the story is truthfully based upon the plight of the whale-ship Essex crew who became stranded at sea for 95 daze and who, due to their fear of becoming cannibal salad wound up eating each other. Thank you, friend. Barry out. Essex (whaleship) […]

Luke Deep Into Yerself To Find That Good What Ain’t No Whar Else Bin Counted

Most folks take personal inventory. They wind up with I’m too fat, too short or why in hail was I born into poverty but they seldom polish the family jewels that got them thus far. Thank you, friend. Barry out.

Lance Armstrong And Internet Throttling

Most folks know about one percent. They imagine it as a very small part of a much larger thing but if its the end of a knife, gun or championship battle, look out. Thank you, friend. Barry out. Some fuckers make the rest of us automatically slow. Or we can pay to go faster. Bandwidth […]

Cheating To Win Is An Individual Decision That Hopefully Brings In Partners

Most folks know about warped. They saw it in the scary house of mirrors and stinky old uncle Fred & as they’ve gotten older they’ve noticed that everything is a bit off making balance a personal thing. Thank you, friend. Barry out.

I Use Performance Enhancing Drugs AND A ShitLoad ‘O Kraft Dinner

Most folks have to come clean sometime. They should likely try to take their soul baring bath daily however to avoid dragging shit into tomorrow and onto innocent bystanders. Thank you, friend. Barry out. And I uh, honestly don’t know anybody that don’t use performance enhancing stuff. Even fake hair color creme and shoes with […]

Hook. Line. Sinker.

Most folks know about the food chain. They understand that its called a chain on account of everything affecting everything over a certain period of time and seeing as few people know what time it is, whose off and whose not? Thank you, friend. Barry out. Meet Mike, The Most Radioactive Fish Ever From Fukushima […]

So What If Pandora Once Lived Here? The Natives Seem Friendly Enough.

Most folks have never met a decamillionaire. They would remember if they had because that beggar will be trying as hard as they possibly can to become a hundred-millionaire by trading trinkets for acceptance and praise and love on account of  it not being created by places or things. Thank you, friend. Barry out. Jumping […]

If Guns Weren’t Invented Yet Knife Throwing Classes Would Sell Like Crazy!

Many folks know people are lazy. They understand that everyone wants things to get better but stay the same especially if it involves tearing themselves away from the boob tube. Thank you, friend. Barry out. Social aspects of television

The Over-Friendly Rug Seller Scared Me Because Dude Wanted My Friendship BAD!

Most folks know squat about scientology. They may have heard of this belief system but similar to their car, phone and most fast food, they have little concept of what is on the inside or what makes them work or how like phones, cars, and fast food, their flashes in the pan can be blinding. […]

No One Cares About Where Yer From But They Do Want To Know Where Yer Headed

Most folks have a story to tell. They usually begin with today and work their way backward from tomorrow’s blank page. Thank you, friend. Barry out. Jimmy Cliff – Vietnam

Swish Shit Around In Yer Colander To Be Amazed With What Finally Comes Out

Most folks have ideas. They just think that everyone has ’em which must make ’em worth nearly nothing but without panning there’s no gold. Thank you, friend. Barry out.

Why Words Get Caught In Yer WordPipe

Most folks take breaks. They don’t allow their brain that pleasure though and often get pissed off when stumped. Thank you, friend. Barry out. It’s called a brain WAVE pal. Wait a minute and there will be another whitecap!

When Humans Eliminate Pecking Order World Peace Is A Kiss Away

Most folks have experienced jealousy. They likely know envy too and both of these emotions can create such a twisted view of reality that all else pales in comparison and is denigrated to the point that wasting life is normal. Thank you, friend. Barry out. Like eggs have a hard shell, violence too shall crack […]

On The Perimeter Of Our Friendly Brain Lies Another Brain Trying To Take Over

Most folks know about evolution. They understand that stuff invents itself and then reinvents itself to the point where its earlier version is bigtime different. Thank you, friend. Barry out. Some life forms are hard to figure out and its good to know that time will change them… “The accounts of hostages who escaped the […]

Recognizing Anything Means It Will Never Be The Same

Most folks know about rivers. They understand that a person can’t put their foot into the same stream twice but those same people forget that they themselves are an ever-changing estuary of life. Thank you, friend. Barry out.

Settin’ On The Back Porch, Drunk And Howlin’ At The Moon

Many folks lose their cool. They get so bent outa shape that they are not and will never again be the same person. Thank you, friend. Barry out.  

As Soon As You Are Good Enough To Fight THEN We Spank In Some Bad

Most folks know discipline. They either have some of their own or get what they need from approved punishers. Thank you, friend. Barry out.