Archive for the 'Assholes Annonymous' Category

If You Can’t Spot The Joker, It’s You.

See that flash in the pan? That’s you. See that boy as a man? You too. Wakin’ up to change the world? Boo hoo. Maybe close your eyes and start again. Barry  

Good Only Works If Shit Gets Bad

Fuck it! I’m done! I can’t take no mo’. This shit train’s pulling into the station. I’ve had it! I’m through! This bastard’s fed up. I’m fixin’ to join So Pissed Off Nation. Be a grumpy old fuck. Whatcha lookin’ at freak?! You want a size ten in the ass?! Or maybe calm down. Maybe […]

We Drank Throughout Every Day For Evening We Boarded Other Sheeps

I found this mind. Alone. Frustrated. Spoke we did and then We dated. It broke me and soon we Faded into Couples. Couples. Barry

Nothing Was What He Listened To And From Nowhere He Listened Well

When I look like this keep Your pie hole closed. Silence is what I need. I’ll break the silence when It’s time to be broken. Then you heed my lead. Talk about stuff I want to hear. Watch my frown Is it happy or sad? Don’t cross the line into Your inter-rests or I’ll be […]

When The Knives In Your Back Get Too Heavy

  Your hand went over your heart during anthems. You marched everywhere you went. Our rules twisted with twisty beer caps. Your rules would not be bent. You toed the straight line, the tough and the narrow. Corruption splashed over you but you didn’t care oh, You saw it and nod to it, you stepped […]

Oh My God Entanglement!

  Trip you, the bastard. The bastard will. Slip you on a step and Spill your swill. Catch your hole on a handle knob. Drop shit on you ’til you sob Why me bitch?! Let me be! Let me live entanglement free! Then you’d touch nada. Nada touch you. You go back to sleeping soon. […]

He Had A Problem With Authority And Authority Had A Problem With Him

  He did better on his lonesome. Crowds, he found them loathsome. Hankered to be alone some. Pointers, he needed not. Stealthy, to not get caught. Opinions unsold or bought. A pathway clearly fraught With peril. Barry  

Get Good At Spotting Dem Tipping Points

  Only an ass would say what you said. Buddy, take five, are you losing your head? You said it’s ah-ight if Fred’s dead in his bed. Well he’s not, he’s right here and now old Fred sees red. He’s pissed ’cause your pissed and if you weren’t then him too. You burned him on, […]

Don’t Think You Can Change Your Life? Why Don’t You Kill Yourself And See?

  Wrist slitting isn’t necessary. You won’t have to take no pills. Don’t got to swallow that shotgun We got the stuff that kills. Don’t jam your head in a toilet. No need to swing by a rope. We got a little magical death This shit works faster than dope. Why don’t you worry about […]

Your Thinking Cap Flew Off Your Head Now You Walk Around Bare Headed

  A sign made you stop and You lost your mind. A light made you go and You lost your mind. Some paint on the asphalt took your little kid and Mama, you lost your mind. A uniform at the airport patted you down and Flyer, you lost your mind. Tax was added to the […]

Contrarian To The Rescue

Jesus you better not listen. Better not pay no mind. Cause if you do they’ll see you too They’ll find you and unwind You. Barry Nick Begich “DARPA Is Testing New Mind Control Technology On Unwitting Civilian Victims.”

You Thinker Too Much

Here, let me cuddle you Thinker of too much. Cause yer confused and frustrated. Shit don’t add up that much. But think you should. Think what you could. Thinking is good but think! Barry    

When The Ship Seemed Like It Was Really Sinking, Cruisers Went For The Bar.

Don’t die sober. Like everyone, raid the bar. You’re walking home alone you are Cause you don’t have a car. They test for drunk not high. You’re not that kinda guy You’re a woman. Barry

Cakes Don’t Look Like Dat All Duh Way True

  See, Santa is real like Disney is real and Saskatchewan is real. Heaven is real, Allah is real and Orion is real. It’s real. All real. Now, you get real. Barry    

I Knew This Guy Who Married Stupid Bitches FOUR TIMES In A Row

Jesus Christ… That’s Arby’s! ARBY’S!!   Go ahead and treat me rude. I can take it. Rude is my middle name! I can fake it. I’ll treat you just the same. I’m a placator. Alligator. See you later. Barry  

Lazy You Must Be Or You Gonna Work Dee Mop

You wanna put a tag on every god damn pump. But there, where the pump plugs in, is another idea jump. You say see it by where it plugs in, Not underwater like yee. I’ll be a son-of-a-pupster… ya, You are smarter than me! Barry (wrote this about my wife who turned out to be […]

The Television “Program” Saturday Night Live Runs A Laugh-Track.

Why? Cause laughing people makes for people laughing! Hah! Barry

And For Every Hammer A Scratch

He got drunk and fell down. Drunk and fell down. Couldn’t fall up. Always fell down. Kepp on floppin’ Always head down. Didn’t see the scratches Bleedin’ on the ground. Makin’ Blood Lake an Ah ain’t gonna drown. Thank you, friend. Barry out.  

You’re A Long Way From Terry Barry

One day he stopped yelling. Kickin’ up dust andy Really cut back onna People he trust causa Silly damn beggars put up So much fuss that he Jumped and left ’em wailin’ under Their own damn bus. Thank you, friend. Barry out.

Mister Brown Says Shush

Babble. Do you speak babble mister Brown? Rattle. Can you rattle this clown? Saddle. Do we shut your ride down? Thank you, friend. Barry out.

The President

It’s right now stupid. Not tomorrow and No time now to Settle da scoreo. Thank you, friend. Barry out.

Be Best Buds With Your Body

Oh, you’d like me to change? Would you? Like me to change but would you? Would you? You whom would, surely could, Show me just how to change. Thank you, friend. Barry out.

Reality Fades

He took a wrong turn in the corn maze. Took a left instead of right. He was stuck in that damn corn maze Many bloody nights. He fought fear of yellow kernels And the green arms that wrapped them tight. He heard their woody stalks calling out to him Softly in the cool moonlight. You’re […]

I Am Stupid And I Know It. Clap My Hands!

Hanging or firing squad? What’s it gonna be? Guys like me don’t pension out. You do as you please. Thank you, friend. Barry out.  

Lordy Done Kick Some Cat

It’s micro macro. Say it’s not. Name one mousetrap You ain’t caught. Past all paid for. Way past bought. Thinkin’ stinkin’. Other’s thoughts. Thank you, friend. Barry out.

Anyone Can Direct But Few Directors Do

You mustn’t stay in character all day long. A dozen bloody costume changes, Please stay strong. Memorized the dialogue and the Actor’s faces. Knew every curtain call and All the actor’s places. Now you want to improv. Change up all the lines. Wanna make the actors mad? You wanna hear ’em whine? Change a bloody […]

Think And Grow Rich With It’s Secret Hidden In The Title

Thoughts are things. That don’t always work. I think I’ll rake the lawn. Or maybe make a shirk. Maybe she hates me. Why she so critical? What that she say? Said I‘m invisible…? Bitch! Thank you, friend. Barry out.

Ruh-Ruh-Ruh-Ricochet Habit

Don’t look under your shirt. Don’t look into your shoes. Who’s that wrecking your shit? Sure as hell ain’t you! Is it? Gettin’ creamed on a crosswalk. Tossed off of your boss hog. Fused vertebrae my god. Pally those roads got traps. Who damn trappin’?! Thank you, friend. Barry out.  

Your Attention Please: Please Ignore Your Program.

Rules. Who needs ’em? Goules. Who breeds ’em? Tools. Who feeds ’em? Cause they’re everywhere. And they don’t care. Who they have to scare To keep the Piece. Thank you, friend. Barry out.  

Don’t Eat That Elmer, That’s Horseshit.

Creepy travels far and fast. Packaged in a stare that lasts and lasts. Hide yourself from here and fast. Oughta give that creep a blast. Oh, wait a minute. He’s blind. Thank you, friend. Barry out.