For ten daze now I’ve been down in the dumpster.
There was the odd day I felt myself almost pulling out of
the depressive cycle but then at 7 o’clock I’d realize
I was waay too low and would definitely be hitting
the tarmac so I bailed .8 seconds before impact.
As a result the party continued but now here I am, bright eyed
and bushy-tailed and ready to take on the world. I’ll be in ThunderBird 3.
Thank you, friend.
What I’m attempting here is nothing short of a life saving technique…
I am going to consciously force myself to be happy for the next 30 days. Then, all hell can break lose for all I care.
April 18, 2012 – s’all good and I know 30 days is a long time for an ignent fuck lak myself to be happy but that’s whut I intend to bee-ach.
April 19, 2012 – I thought about this little challenge all day yesterday and my audacity made me smile. Like writing out some threat one hopes nobody will ever find, just verbalizing my intent made a difference. Now let’s see if I can smile today away, too.
April 20, 2012 – Almost got grump a couple of times today but then remembered this stupid happiness thing I’m doing. It worked. I had a good day and actually felt myself choose happy over ignent a couple of times. Damn amazing what having the seat ripped out of the arse of your pants can do for one’s spirits.
April 21, 2012 – Told my wife about this experiment. She laughed. That helped. I get the feeling she don’t think I can make it. Even felt her trying to make me angry a couple of times today. Didn’t work. I thought of youse and kept my composure. Today was a good day – I even chuckled out loud and not just because I finished my shit test.
April 22, 2012 – I ain’t the smiley type which means I can be happy without looking happy. Asking “why so glum, chum?” don’t make folks more cheerful but I’ve been asked that all my life. Anyway, today was a grand day. First really good weather of the year and the bright sun just added to my “euphoria” today. Yes, I thought about this stupid experiment and yes, it made a difference. Didn’t even take a pile of effort!
April 23, 2012 – Got slammed today while writing 10 stories. I wish I could write without drinking and drink without writing. Maybe I’ve got a writing problem… Anywho, today was another happy one but the conscious effort from the outset does make a difference. I thought about encouraging happiness several times today until I was entirely blitzed and then as per usual, I stopped giving a fack.
April 24, 2012 – Went head to branch with a fucking tree today. Those mother’s have something that can fall on anyone. Anyway, today was a grand day. I feel good and yes, I still thought about you lots today. Whoever you are. And I think you’re great so thank you for even sliding your peepers across these slippery, oh, so slidy letters and you’re getting deeper and deeper into… sorry. That was uncalled for.
April 25, 2012 – Today went very good even though my main sparring partner tried to start me up a couple of times. Consciously considering attitude stops the negative attitude cycle before it can get going and as long as I stay off that street no vehicles of upset can git me. Yes, today was filled with challenges but each and every one I met with confidence and certainty. Eets working…
April 26, 2012 – Even though the weather outside is the shits, my whether inside is good. Today was another day of writing my arse off and I thoroughly enjoyed it. This being happy on purpose thing might work afterall!
April 27, 2012 – I asked my wife if she thought my attitude was more positive and she said yes so I think my experiment is affecting her, too. Perhaps we should be wearing shades on account of things getting a little too bright and I don’t want all this nicy niceness to ruin our eyesight. What if this became normal? Yikes! Anywho, today was lovely and without thoughts of a world going to hell in a handbasket.
April 28, 2012 – Hello from mister happy dee dappy! Another good day but I still thought about this experiment as I was being oh so happy. Maybe a person needs a reason to be happy. Maybe this shite don’t happen all on its own. I guess anger likely works the same way but for me, this purposeful action seems to be having a very positive impact. Who knew I could fool myself so effortlessly? 😎
April 29, 2012 – Good day today. A couple of times I felt my attitude trying to slip away from me but I grabbed the sucker by the tale and imagined it gone. It was. I see now that consciously making an effort to not open the door to down mood triggers will keep the beggars outside but I can hear them moving around out there.
April 30, 2012 – Today was a happy day. Too happy as it turns out (I’m writing this on May 2) as my brother came into town and we got more slammed then many folks survive but as I get older I find this shite takes more out of me after the fact than it gave before. We partied hard on Youtube and home made wine until 2:30 AM and the next morning our heads were big. Very, very big. That would be the oneth of May.
May 1, 2012 – Fuck I hate drinking and will never drink again. I’m sick. So god damn sick. And stupid. So god damn stupid. Arrggg! Taking my bro mart back to Virden today. Long god damn drive when the captain is hanging and the autopilot is outa commission. And everyone else in the cabin is sleeping. I was too sick to be happy but I am grateful to be alive. If I live.
May 2, 2012 – I drink too much, I’ve told you that but I overdid it and I’m still paying for it. Today my attitude sucked until mid afternoon. While this experiment didn’t come to mind during this time at my sister’s in Brandon, I did try to pull myself up by my bootstraps a couple of times and I couldn’t get a good grip on the fuckers. Later on I pulled out of my slump as we approached Regina and I remembered – oh yeah, I’m running an experiment…
May 3, 2012 – Talked with a friend today about how easy I forgot about being happy. During a walk with my wife I thought I’d like to get a watch that has no timepiece but only a happy face in it in order to remind myself to avoid grumpiness. I’m beginning to see that happy works the same as asshole in that once a person does it for a while it will likely get easier to continue. In spite of everything good around them, some folks persist in being assholes. I can do the same with happy, I’m sure of it.
May 4, 2012 – Okay, I know this sounds like I’m stringing you along but I’m now into a more life saving experiment that this one if you can believe it. This new experiment encompasses my happiness plus tracks wine intake, weight loss and blood pressure amongst other things. I’m sure you’ll find it more intriguing then this limited, boring ongoing study… here tis:
Results of Happiness Experiment Rat Here: http://barry-williams.com/blog/grumpy-old-fucker-30-day-experiment-final-results/