My Secret Blog Idea Plan – How To Appear Extweemly, Extweemly Intelligent

Posted on by Barry Williams

Original ideas are a dime a dozen.

Here is my formula for faking new perspectives:

  1. I think of something: for example (cars) and ask my mom and dad: (wikipedia and google) about it.
  2. They tell me lots of stuff no one should ever have to know about something – let’s say automobiles.
  3. I look for the most frightening or absurd concept about vehicles, get my crayons out and start pretending.

Where I get my ideas:

  1. This thing plus one. Cars are dangerous and people more preoccupied. Add phone worms in people’s ears. Hmm. I wonder where this is headed and I don’t mean figuratively…
  2. Reading between the lines. Look! Up in the sky! Is it a bird, a plane, what is it? Its an idea hiding right there between those two obvious ones!
  3. What Did You Just Call Me?! I visit my dad’s girlfriend (thesaurus.com) whom I am infatuated with to get her side of my story.
  4. Dis-inhibitors: Wine and Lysergic Acid Diethylamide seem to help me (you’ve got to watch your levels, though). If you can produce something worthwhile reading from the same mindset as your reader, puh-leease let me know how you do it. 😎
  5. Cesarean Section a Title – I know this is important and I screw up here all the time. But once you have a name for your country, a flag and national anthem are right behind.

Creating The Article

I have limited talent in this field but this whole process is imaginary so I pretend that I do have at least rudimentary writing skills and begin typing things which often resemble words.

Initially, I just write down any ideas and proprietary evidence (no one is an expert on what I think but me!) that come into my awareness. The concept which I have developed to this point is at best normal and at worst stupid. (I call this framing) – hard to improve on nothing.

Then, I refine the story by using more appropriate words to clarify the new thoughts I am having. I also try to chop out unnecessary language at this point. (patching & painting)

Next, I attempt to shine up those ideas by putting my special distortion on them and hopefully have enough made up original stuff to override a few of the smarter arguments which might carelessly attempt to disprove my opinion. (Tom Foolery)

Other than posting your now original threats and then occasionally checking / updating the post as your worldview shifts over the next few days, your job as a budding cadet author is well underway!

Atten – Hut!

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

PS. In 96 hrs I updated this post 12 times as my mind changed about how to try and tell you the story properly.(July 28, 2010)


Update: Feb 4, 2012 (end of the world year)

This is my new and improved story inwenchion process:

1. Blab a title. Any order of words will work because chances are good you’ll be changing them anyway.

2. Imagine and record as many points as possible about your concept and then read between your lines.

3. All ideas may be bent but not killed. Tortured but never extinguished. Stretched but not snapped.

4. Start with some weird aspect of your idea. The opposite of it, remark on its strangeness. Keep this short.

5. Expand on your idea from any degree within the 360 available to you in a couple of hundred words.

6. Finish by explaining how things would be so much better if you were running the world.

7. Fake proof for your concept so it can enter the psychological lexicon of your culture.

8. Start adding PhD behind your name.

9. Wake up the next day and edit your story while sober.

10. Keep editing over daze as the idea gels or gets slippery. Kill no idea. Ever.

11. Maintain your writing fluid levels and make your words form shapes.

12. Don’t believe everything you read, hear or see.

13. For criminy sakes, pull something new out of reality.

14. At ease, author!

Update #2 December 2012

See, I didn’t think we were going to last this long so now I have to update this stupid story again… Sheesh!

Learn Original ArseHole Writing From Barry L. ArseHole Williams

https://barry-williams.com/blog/learn-original-arsehole-writing-from-barry-l-arsehole-williams/

Avatar for Barry Williams
Barry Williams http://barry-williams.com/blog

Much of what I write will be quite understandable to insane folks.

The rest will be, uh, less understandable...

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133Comments

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  3. 3
    Thu Nguyen
    Reply

    Brilliant post Barry!

    I had a ball reading through it and I’m sure the revisions really got to you because when you’re that passionate about writing content, it shows. Thank you so much for the share! I’ve liken the strategy you use to crank out your content as taking them from ma and pa online is absolutely devotion. To include the siblings and well you forgot the social cousins who can become gossipy with their tweets, likes and whatnot. Overall, I’m extweemly impressed! 🙂

    Cheers!
    Thu
    Thu Nguyen recently posted..How to Keep Up With Production in the Industrial Age of Article Marketing

  4. 5
    Rick Byrd
    Reply

    Barry:

    I gotta tell you that when I first started reading your post I had to read the beginning a couple of times. Then I got it and just laughed my way through. You have a very interesting writing style.

    It looks like you started this blog this past February. I also started my blog thispast February. I also sometimes re-write a post several times to get it just right nut other times I just let it flow and let it go.

    I’ll keep checking back in and see how your doing.

    Good luck to you!

    – Rick
    Rick Byrd recently posted..Business Ethics – Is There Such a Thing

    • 6
      Barry Williams
      Reply

      Mister,

      You seem too smart to be hanging around my blog. What if some of your smartness rubs off on me and screws up my whole jumbalaya? Before long I would be making sense and perhaps even start looking more intelligent, like you.

      Even though its a scary thought, I will carefully check out your blog from a distance because lord knows I could use some comeuppance.

      Thanks for your comment Rick, I’m off to learn from you now.

  5. 7
    Michelle
    Reply

    Hi Barry,

    WOW I definately need a drink now, I’m soooo confused what have you done to me?

    My brain feels like scrambled eggs but the wierdest thing of all is I think I actually get it AAAHHHHH !

    Enjoy the challenge – I’m off for a lie down

    Michelle

    • 8
      Barry Williams
      Reply

      Hold it right there, missus!

      You are not drinking alone on my blog, that would be too rude of me. And that’s precisely why I keep a pitcher of long island ice tea beside my keyboard at all times.

      Its like two pitchers of the good stuff and then rest. Two more pitchers and more rest. Pretty soon a person can get to the point where no more rest is required and more time is available for imbibing.

      A hobby is a good thing to have and I am glad we see eye to forehead on this matter.

      Thanks missus.

  6. 9
    Keith Alston
    Reply

    Hi Barry, If you remember when you first joined the MC and started posting, one of my first questions to you was to ask which planet you came from as I wanted to visit!. The humour you inject into your blog and other posts is like a breath of fresh air and is really needed.
    I sometimes have to read them a couple of times to get your grasp but at the end of the day it all makes total sense (sort of-lol)
    Keep up this great style mate
    Keith
    (Ambassador to the high command-Planet Zog):-)
    Keith Alston recently posted..Holiday Time Again!

  8. 13
    Sally
    Reply

    Hi Barry

    …..

    PS. In 96 hrs I updated this post 12 times as my mind changed about how to try and tell you the story properly.

    Ha ha ha ha made me laugh so much, you sound like me, I get to point where I dont care and just hit publish!

    I am with Jacinta, kinda over my head too, but made me laugh so thats a good thing.

    Do like your writing style though its very engaging, Sally 🙂
    Sally recently posted..Writing Testimonials Benefit You Too

    • 17
      Barry Williams
      Reply

      Whew!

      I thought I was the only one who didn’t understand my writing and was beginning to feel hurlyburly.

      Now that there is at least several folks who are in the same boat as me I’m wondering if anyone has anything to eat because I’m hungry, too.

      Thanks for the comment Lynn, I’m off to be a shill on your blog.

    • 19
      Barry Williams
      Reply

      Howdy Fran,

      Uh, thanks Fran but that’s not humor, its just the way I go around not thinking…

      Of course, if that turns out to be humor then perhaps my doctor will allow me out of this straight jacket so I could go into town.

      THAT would be funny!

      Thanks for the comment Fran, I’m off to see what I can swipe from your blog.

      Barry

    • 21
      Barry Williams
      Reply

      Hey Sir,

      I am trying real hard to be normal and as it turns out, abnormal is normal for me.

      The place where my brain should be is not in fact ruined but ready for any cells which might resemble gray matter. So far, none have showed up but when they do…

      Thanks for the comment Mike, have a grand day.

      Barry

  13. 22
    Vince
    Reply

    Hi Barry
    I like your style,really enjoyed your post, and the comments and your answers to them.
    Don’t try too hard to be normal 🙂

    Whatever you are on can you get me some too:)
    All the best
    Vince

    • 23
      Barry Williams
      Reply

      Hoy Vince,

      Sir, I resemble those remarks and much appreciate your noticing them.

      Your admonition to remain far from average is hitting me right in the earways and I am not allowed by my malehood to tell you how grateful I am for the noises you are making.

      As for becoming a meme dealer, I believe my plan to humbly infect you with my insanity has already begun to take effect. After all, you just gave me not some of the best but ALL of it. Very unselfish and thoughtfull of you, pal.

      Now, I’m coming over to your place to leave an echo. Have a grand day Vince.

  14. 24
    John Edler
    Reply

    Barry !! What are you doing !!

    You could be the next Terry Pratchett (sorry … Sir Tez) or Spkie Milligan.

    I am surprised that you sell yourself so short. The ability to write rubbish that attracts readers like horse manure attracts flies is no mean skill. Most of us never find out it’s rubbiush because no one reads it.

    Thanks mate, great post

    John
    Author of ‘Sticky Memory’
    http://johnedler.com/blog/sticky-memory-have-i-coined-a-new-term-/?/html

    • 31
      Barry Williams
      Reply

      I have been called a lot of things but never no lightweight.

      And you know what? I like it. I like being called no lightweight because its the opposite to being called a lightweight due to being riddled with cancer like my father.

      Yep. That is a good name I will wear with pride.

      Thank you Elizabeth for your comment and for assembling such a wonderful, life enhancing blog yourself.

    • 33
      Barry Williams
      Reply

      Thanks muchly Jennifer.

      I could learn a think or two from you about setting up a good blog – yours looks terrific and you certainly provide a ton of great info. I appreciate you stopping by.

  21. 35
    Mark Sherman
    Reply

    Hello Barry,

    I had left a comment on your blog before, but some kind of technical difficulty has derailed all I wrote. You brought humor to me and many other people. Anyway, I like your style and you are doing great!

    Keep up the great job you are doing and everything else will fall into place!

    All the best to you!

    Mark

  23. 37
    Barry Williams
    Reply

    Well uh, Alan. You’ve one upped me in the craziness category and it feels sorta weird.

    I think everything would have been okay but the mice, dolphin and fries pie kinda put everything over the edge for me. Heck, I’m uncomfortable even thinking about said sandwich and I have a sneaking suspicion that like some evil Walt Disney movie sound crack, this idea has already coated the interior of my cranium. Perplexed, I am…

    I did visit your blog and you actually write fairly sane over there. I didn’t click on any ads though because I’m still not one hundred percent certain what just happened.

    Plus, I feel a little woozy. You crazy guy you.

  25. 39
    Jim
    Reply

    Hello, Barry!
    I can advice you to use thesaurus to create powerfull articles. This is ma secret! ))

    and by the way:
    White mice and dolphins – delicious with chips (UK) fries (US)
    This is hell yeeeah!

    • 40
      Barry Williams
      Reply

      Howdy Jim – thanks for that.

      I wasn’t going to let the thesaurus cat out of the bag just yet on account of I don’t want folks to think I’m illegitimate. Or is that illiterate? I’ll have to look that one up…

  30. 46
    Barry Williams
    Reply

    I publish my rough ideas and then edit them in real time for anyone to see how friggin stupid my ideas start out.

    Some of them are so looney I can’t force them to make even the limited sense that I try to achieve with all the other stories.

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