On Google, On Yahoo, On Old Pal Alta Vista!




My papers!

Somebody moved my papers!!

Holy shit Mister Conniption, they’re right here.

Take a pill.

Wow, just some stupid papers…


Yeah, just some stupid papers. Heavy on the stupid.

These couple hundred questions I could not find answers to.

Not yet. Not in this library. Fucking stupid dewey decimal card system!

And fucking stupid people who don’t put books back according to number!

That’s why the sheaf of curled papers in a worn folder.

Questions unanswered that I was compelled to find answers to.

In the year 2525, if need be.

If man was still alive.


But, this was 1988 and there was no way to know if man would be alive.

Hail, Windows 98 was still ten years away! I had to forge ahead on faith alone.

Going it alone was fitting on account of knowledge being alone as well. 

There it was, expectantly shivering in a big web’s shadow.

Nineteen-eighty-eight found knowledge fractionalized bigtime. Just like the olden daze.

One book. (a good one) One computer. (IBM compatible) One program. (You don’t got Word?!)

Sure people understood networks existed but as far as the average Joe knew they consisted of television stations which effectively beamed info pretty much one-way.


Except for stupid call-in shows. “Hello caller, are you there?”

Okay, phones too were networks but everybody experienced them as systems.

As in: Don’t screw with the system. Sumbitch will cut you off.

No, back then there were no conduits to fortuitous knowledge unless someone’s lines literally got crossed.

Maybe then a person would find out something they shouldn’t but chances for synchronicity were low.

Very low.

Like fishing with a rod while tripping over nets low.


Even one of my early gods, Bill Gates, didn’t see the internet as a big thing.

Addicted to late night looking at something besides naked Microsoft desktops?!

WTF?! (even that, unthought of)

But BOOM! came the internet and BOOM! went the internet and it was like, yeah.

It’s a computer TV magazine!

At best.

The internet is illuminated yellow pages you can change EVERY MONTH.

Course, if you ain’t home it’s good for talking about.

An internet filled with internet robots.

Some with no eyes. Some with eyes shot.

Shot eyes wanting shut.

But they’re not. Not. Knot.

Internet, internot, enterknot.



Hear that?!

I hear growling and I hear a lot!

Grrr, grrr, grrr. Don’t you hear it Mister Roboto?

Oh my lawd, sweet Jesus, they’ve got you surrounded.

Git! Slap that thing off her head!

And brrr, grrr, Sirrr! Stamp and stomp on it!  

The thing squeals until it’s right dead!


You hear that?

Hey let go…

Those sirens! They’re coming for us!

They’re coming for us, to save this whole day.

They’ll pick up the pieces of no longer smart phonish.

Just a little sweep folks, okay?

Watch that glass.

It’s a little sweep folks. A cracked screen is all.

Just a little cracked screen here is all.


So now, if you please, re-move these cuffs.

Take them off, I’m really okay.

Or leave ’em on…

Hell, tighten them up!

I’m long, long gone either way!



Thank you, friend.

Barry out.


Zager And Evans – In The Year 2525





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