Stop Talking About What You Don’t Want & Start Thinking About What You Do

father reprimanding son
When my finger is up like this, I do the talking – You got that?!

“EVERY TIME WE COME HERE…”

“You want a candy from the vending machines! Now Stop It!”

I watched the drama unfold between a young father and his four or five year old son from my sideline vantage point in a leisure center lobby while waiting for my own children.

In order to facilitate the têteà-tête, dad hunkered down to junior’s eye level, grappled the bewildered kid by the shoulders and shook him to drive his zany point home.

Think For A Minute

Judging by the strain in father’s voice and the bewildered gaze emanating from junior, today might be the fifth or sixth time on this ride and both were growing tired with the situation that DAD WAS CREATING.

After all, here is this big human talking loudly to a respectful, attentive little human who has no choice but to listen.

And the big human looks the little human directly in the eye and forcefully says: Every time we come here, you want a candyIts hypnosis!

The kid, not yet fully trained as a dolt, reservedly agrees with the big human. (the situation already having gone too far for out loud answers to stupid statements from giants)

Vending Machine
All I Need is $31.75 for one of each!

Inside, the kid is thinking: “YES! That’s Right! Every time we come here – I want a candy. Yes! Right!” But he says nothing because the shaking has already started again.

“Now, stop it!” mutters the big, crazy human as another loving father shoves his carbon copy son one more step up the “normal” blank stare case.

Stir The Right Pot

Rather than simply attempting to squelch his son’s desire in such a vigorous manner, the father’s attention would be better spent on refocusing it.

“Buddy, as soon as we get home you can have a cookie.” would have reprogrammed junior after the third time at the candy vending machines and before long, the kid would think of nothing except getting home when they reached the lobby.

Dad’s limited awareness agitated and prolonged a needless situation.

Simply by slightly altering the way we talk to ourselves we can greatly improve results and our level of enjoyment in life.

Try this same concept by slightly altering your focus:

  • Instead of thinking – I Am SCREWED cry – imagine: How can I possibly get out of this? (even if you can’t get out, the attempt to save yourself will make you feel better later on, if there is a later on …)
  • Rather than – I am bored – consider: what can I do?
  • Replace – I don’t want to – with: I would rather.
  • When someone suggests – That won’t work – reply with: what can we do that will?
  • Stop thinking – So-in-so doesn’t like me – and consider: who doesn’t hate me? mrgreen

This one-eighty degree spin is easy to do and every statement has an opposite. Its just a matter of being willing to think about it.

And start listening for self defeating statements from folks around you so that you can begin to recognize and understand that real suffering can be avoided simply by considering HOW we say what we mean.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

16 Responses to “Stop Talking About What You Don’t Want & Start Thinking About What You Do”

  1. Positive Mental Attitude is the recipe for happiness. You know you’ve cracked it, when you don’t have to think about it, and are just naturally positive. 😆

    I find it really puzzling, and amusing in a wry sort of way, when people have negative attitudes. Why do they bother upsetting themselves? I don’t get it? 🙄

    John
    John McNally recently posted..Happy Sheep and Happy Artist

    [Reply]

    Barry Williams Reply:

    Yes, my friend. We are definitely brothers.

    I certainly used to to have a bad attitude but I didn’t know I had one until finding out that there was a different way to live.

    Now I’m like you, why would anyone want to be mad – but they do!

    [Reply]

  2. Wow Barry, Muy Excelente! I practice the art of listening to the undertones and overtones of not only music but of the people I hear as well. My ability to recognize, deflect and ignore the negative undertones and messages emanating from my super-ego and relish, absorb and act on the positive ones that emanate more brightly is critical. Filtering out crap is one of the finest gifts from the great Brain Maker Him/Herself. We should use it like Achem’s razor even if it does cut both ways. Hail Dichotomous! (“All you can do is praise the razor for the fineness of the slash.” Bruce Cockburn)

    The antagonist is the father, and not the son even as the father would have it otherwise. I’ve seen it to Barry and you’re so right. It’s a shame when a child is being emotionally abused or treated like an annoyance when if only stressed-out-dad would stop and think for a moment about the effect of his own negative projections on his son. But noooOOOooo! Dad must hold on to the shabby power of scorn and unleash it upon the only person who could ever love him. So it goes, so sadly those.

    Gotta split brother B., thanks for the sound words, warm chair and good company.

    Steve D.
    Steve Deerfield recently posted..Social Bookmarking For Internet Marketers

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    John McNally Reply:

    @Steve Deerfield, WELL DONE Steve, I think you have out Barry’d, Barry here. 8) I’m looking forward to the reply. 😆

    John
    John McNally recently posted..Happy Sheep and Happy Artist

    [Reply]

    Barry Williams Reply:

    @Steve Deerfield,
    Dear Steve,

    Don’t think I’m being formal because other kids are watching us on the playground. These are my Sunday clothes and I can’t get them dirty so we have to do this with words. Okay? (uh, okay, so far, so good 😎 heh, heh)

    As for slashing Bruce Cockburn (wow, embarrassing name…), I work at keeping my super ego under my clothing and away from sharp objects. The fellow you mention has already cut quite a few albums and is not so shy from pointy things as myself.

    The rest of the stuff you say makes a lot of sense to me when I’m drunk (which, thankfully, is most of the time) but right now on my first glass of wine, I’m at a loss for words.

    And I’m not just trying to stretch this thread out because this is my blog and to in any way fool Google.

    Why, can they be fooled?

    Alright, that should hold you, Sir Steve. Thank you so much for stopping by and next time, please clean out the fireplace when you’re done.

    Later, pal.

    [Reply]

  3. Oooo – ouchie wow wow.

    Oy, that smarts, mister!

    This feels like one of those times where somebody says at a party – Hey, I hear you are a funny guy. Say something funny.

    And usually they were bigger than me so I’d have to remark about their genetic facial distortions and things would just go downhill from there.

    But, I digress…

    I guess I better mosey over to Steve’s comment and get my big word stick out.

    Okay, lock and load (code word for take a drink 😎 )

    Cover your eyes, friend.

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  4. Hi Barry

    Unfortunately so many parents instil a negative attitude in their children that it’s no wonder they lead aimless lives. “You can’t do this or that”, “you will never be able to achieve that” are statements that many parents make to their offspring.

    This inferiority complex is often handed down from generation to generation and it’s no wonder we haven’t many ‘pathfinders’ anymore.

    As role models, the majority of parents fail miserably.

    Bill

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  5. Hey Bill,

    Mister, I WAS one of those crazy parents who confused their kids, that is why I am so passionate about informing other child owners about how NOT to raise their kidlings.

    I must have told my oldest son (now 34 yrs old) a thousand times – “you’re room is always messy, you never clean up your room”.

    And guess what, his room was always messy and he listened to me with great zeal – he NEVER cleaned up his room!

    He and I laugh (okay, mostly me…) about it now but man, most parents have no idea how they are programming their offspring for failure.

    Thanks for the comment, Bill.

    [Reply]

  6. Barry,
    I’m so glad you connected with me through blogging. I enjoy your writing style so much. You have a knack for getting down to the nitty gritty and say it like it is with humor and laughter mixed in.

    I especially love your ” about me” on the side bar. Definitely bookmarking your site for return visits!

    Val 😉
    Val Wilcox recently posted..QTIP

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  7. The dictator attitude of most fathers make the situation worst than anybody may expect to happen. They aren’t like our moms who will comfort us just to stop acting like brats most of the time. These two points are pretty obvious with all actions and decisions of our parents, the two genders specifically.
    Cole Stan recently posted..Be Thoughtful And Give Unique Personalized Wedding Gifts

    [Reply]

    Barry Williams Reply:

    Thanks Stan.

    Most dictator dads don’t know they are dictators. They think they are doing right by their charges when they lovingly accost them but the psychological damage they cause affects society forever.

    Later mister.

    [Reply]

    Cole Stan Reply:

    @Barry Williams, Kids who experienced this kind of treatment will eventually have some issue with their self-confidence. In particular, the way how they will make a decision. They might end up seeking for the approval of their fathers before they finalize their decision.
    Cole Stan recently posted..Be Thoughtful And Give Unique Personalized Wedding Gifts

    [Reply]

    Barry Williams Reply:

    Sorry for screwing up the order of your name, Cole.

    Yes, I agree with you that many problems are planted by unaware parents who inadvertently train their kids to be scatter brained.

    And you’ve hit a very important nail on the head with indecisiveness. This is epidemic today and most people have no idea of the serious implications created when folks become so mind crippled that they can’t decide.

    This inability to create choices means they are unable to anticipate and if we can’t do that, big things can go wrong in a hurry.

    Thanks so much for your very insightful comment Cole.

    Barry

  8. Yeah, no problem with it.

    I do understand this point because our eldest has been a victim of it. Until now, he’s more than 30 years old, but still confused on making his own decision. Honestly, he can’t actually determine what should be and what shouldn’t be done. Hopefully, time will come that he will overcome this situation especially that he already has his own family.
    Cole Stan recently posted..Be Thoughtful And Give Unique Personalized Wedding Gifts

    [Reply]

    Barry Williams Reply:

    Hey Cole,

    Decisiveness is a challenge for many people in our society and I wonder if it stems from the fact that we have perhaps too many choices these days.

    My 34 yr old son just changed jobs and my other children around that age are uncertain as to their paths, too.

    I just want them to be happy, no matter what they do.

    Thanks for the comment, Cole.

    Barry

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  9. Great post. I have already bookmarked your page. Keep sharing. Regards

    [Reply]

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