The Day I Wasn’t Charged For Child Abuse But Could Have Been

My daughter Shannon was born an adult.

There was little time to condition her as a child on account of her having to

help her mom and I raise us and her younger sister and brother, Nadine

and Bryce. As a result Shannon and I developed an understanding

we would trade off some bizarre behavior for her lack of child

hood and what started innocently as me tying her hands

so she could try to escape while I made us breakfast

morphed into a not very old escape artist left tied

to a doorknob with her hands behind her back

double knotted with two scarfs and a toque.

A coworker called me for an unexpected

ride and I instantly forgot my wiggling,

giggling “I’m getting out, this isn’t

gonna stop me!” escape artist

but 30 minutes after getting

to work my (now ex) wife

phoned to call me some appropriate names. Yeah.

Shore do love you Shannon.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

If I knew why I did shite I’d hop over it.

Good tune, missus, lak u.

7 Responses to “The Day I Wasn’t Charged For Child Abuse But Could Have Been”

  1. I didn’t mention my first wife Sherry in this story on account of I wanted her to have her own space rat here.

    Let me spread this blanket out for you missus.

    You’re welcome.


  2. Bryce, you get your own story.


  3. No, I mean, YOU get it.


  4. Shannon and I never got into sexual abuse on account of there being so many other abuses that had to be worked through first.

    Number one being her potty mout and a rampant disregard for seniority.


  5. Animals understand all this.

    Its humans who need to learn.

    So say these folks Shannon hangs with.

    An I believe ’em.


  6. Wow. La dese keedz.

    Holy fuck. I can write drunk…


  7. I am a moron.

    Everyone who steps on my body is schmarter.



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