Things Barry L. Williams Did Not Accel At (sneverending)

***This will take me a few days to flesh out so stay with me pal*** Barry Nov1, 2012

Turns out that I tried a pile of things what didn’t suit me. They were dead ends that caused me to turn around and pay attention:

Bible Camp – sent home a believer, didn’t last but one week

Public School – asked by the vice-principal to leave half way through grade ten. I did but I didn’t feel good about it until two decades later.

Trumpet – Yes dad paid for the lessons but that don’t give him the right to make me bugle for his drunk friends or be forced into playing last post and reveille for old fuckers who only die during the winter. Why not the guitar for cripes sake?!

Canadian Armed Forces – Honorably discharged half way through basic training on account of the Canadian Military don’t accept dorks. Thank fuck… 20 years to figure that out too.

Business – few people have cratered as many small businesses as I have. I’ve failed at more types of business than people know there is. (and there’s a pile…) Right this minute I am several million dollars in debt due to my genius in business.

Schedules – I don’t know why but schedules make me sick. It’s a time warp thing or something but as I describe in my work on The Emotional Grid, there is something no right about our overuse of time. Anyway, that was a long way of me saying that I don’t wear a watch and I don’t think you should either.

Religion – boy I tried a pile of religions. Pentecostal, Catholic (save my wife from a life of Catholicism), New Age, Stoned Age, Scientology and more. I went to bible study and was asked to leave for questioning their literal depiction of the book. Finally cut my god umbilical cord only to start swinging it around the socket again! I don’t know what the hell is going on here but neverytheless, there is a lot to believe in. Right now I believe in me and my power to believe. That’s it.

Child Rearing – You’ve heard of child soldiers? How about children parents. I was never given the chance to be a child so I keep acting like one. Children make not usually the best parents. And so on.

Job Holder – Man I am terrible as an employee. I could never figure out why and then about age 40 it hit me.

I’ve been a sand blaster’s helper for Larry Latdister of Western Plastic Coaters in Estevan, Saskatchewan, paperboy in Virden, Manitoba, auto body repairman in Virden, Brandon and Calgary, poor farmer, not very good plumber, terrible carpenter, wood chopper, pipeline laborer, welder’s helper, unconscious thief for welder during cost plus job for Shell Oil at Edmonton, bartender, bar manager, nightclub manager, hotel general manager, hotel salesperson, tavern janitor, tavern manager, pizza franchise owner, pizza maker, commercial building renovator, renovation laborer, railroad maintenance gang laborer, asphalt construction crew laborer, concrete crew laborer, sewage truck swamper, sewage truck driver, oilfield equipment painter, steam cleaner’s helper, steam cleaner, gas jockey for Valleyview Co-op, Virden Esso, RCMP car cleaner Virden Esso, Regina international airport janitors manager, relocatable accommodations manufacturer manager, duct tape wallet manufacturer business manager, thermal imaging business partner, blow in insulation business partner, tradesman scheduling business manager, motel manager, motel parking lot maintenance, motel laundry executive, motel plumber, motel marketing specialist, humorist, webmaster, author, grass cutter, dish washer, fuel truck swamper, bad Bobcat operator, grader operator, tractor with front end loader operator, D9 Caterpillar operator, stooker, threshing machine feeder, farm hand, barn cleaner outer, dead animal dragging out at darker, fencer, combine operator, little stupid fordson tractor for plowing operator, chainsaw operator, christie’s combo trumpet player, sand truck unloader, Labor Ready temp unloading two too many slip sheeted motherfucking 53 ft long trailers loaded with now so very hated OhHenry chocolate bars, electronic panel wirer for Westinghouse Airdrie, mortar mixer and sit in the truck because I’m getting paid for waiting for Leroy who is drinking beer in the beer parlour for Leroy’s Masonry in Virden, Manitoba, restaurant server at Black Gold Inn in Drayton Valley, Alberta, housekeeper @ Barney’s Motel, Brandon, Manitoba, crane spotter for crazy jim at some construction company in Calgary, Alberta for one day, concession bus operator, Kamloops, British Columbia, craft goods wholesale supplier, Kamloops, BC, wholesale candy distributor Penticton, BC, author Regina, Saskatchewan, Industrial trailer painter for TrailKing, Brandon, Oilfield swamper for Coulter Construction, Virden, low man on the totem pole building laborer for Mishanko Construction, Virden, trailer court owner, Virden, rock picker, Virden, cherry picker, Summerland, BC, parts peeler / general laborer Dormer Finishing, Regina, banquet set up and server, Innisfail Country Lodge, Innisfail, Ab, industrial chemical salesperson, Zep Mfg, Calgary, industrial chemical branch manager, Zep Mfg, Regina, Sk,

Bad Listener – holy cow I went a lot of years without listening to people. Sure, I listened to my father but I shouldn’t have. Dude taught me all about the short cut.

Short Cutter – Oh boy did I learn this trick well! Until I was 25 years old I took the shortcut on everything! The shortcut is for lifesaving needs only and even then it cain’t be repeated!

Smart Ass – Hard to tell you’re a smartass when a person is doing such a good job as one. I was (and at times still am) a terrible asshole smart ass. Please find and eliminate that gene if you can…

 

 

 

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