As Long As I Can Pee I Will Never Suffer From Writer’s Block

You are about to be immunized from writer’s block.

Now uh, the first thing I need to do is put my hands in your pockets…

I’ve seen other writers writing about writer’s block and I remember thinking even then, FOR GOD SAKES, THESE PEOPLE ARE WRITING!

That’s four “writers” in one sentence and the phrase is exactly the way I first typed it as the idea slipped from my noggin to my hands and into the keyboard.

If I Could Whiz Through My Bum

My 65 year old neighbor recently told me of his nightmarish experience with an enlarged prostate and being unable to urinate for what seemed like years.

In sheer agony from the need to empty his bladder he finally forced some nurses in our over-worked medical system to push something through his penis while he laid on a table in the waiting room. He said would have gladly peed out his rectum or an eye if he could have. He just needed the stuff OUT.

Writing can be like that, too.

Thoughts get jumbled up and tumbled up and pretty soon they start acting like a plug in your idea pipe. And stoppages need to be ground up and out, a little bit at a time.

Here is how I keep my p’s and q’s flowing:

  1. Never, ever criticize or judge an idea! Do you want the plumber analyzing your crap while unplugging the sewer? Ideas have zero defense and will tell their friends to avoid your neighborhood if you don’t treat each one with respect. Remember, ideas have a life of their own and soon grow and spread.
  2. Keep your idea pipe clean – I’ve been writing this blog for about six months now and have published 77 posts. I have another 250 or so drafts of ideas in various stages. Some I will use, some used me. Whatever. The point is to keep your idea highway free of parked cars because some day there is gonna be fog and a pile up.
  3. Before pondering your results, check your effort level – practice counts in writing, too. Be thankful we don’t have to kill a bunch of trees or hemp just to house our stupid ideas. Even though they might be stored for eons on some remote hard drive and never seen, every word we record puts us one word closer to our perfectly described thought.
  4. A wrench can be a hammer – watch any kid assembling blocks and you’ll notice that they start with a thought and whatever is nearby. Then they add to it. Writing needs to be the same way and in the age of computers its pretty easy to improve the past.

Writer’s block has the full force of the placebo effect behind it and that is why it is such a formidable foe. But as we have just discussed, the cure for this ill is the same for most others.

Keep a clean idea pipe and everything else will fall into place.

Well, fall in or fall off.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

10 Responses to “As Long As I Can Pee I Will Never Suffer From Writer’s Block”

  1. Hi Barry

    I must admit I have never suffered from writers block to any great degree but I have suffered from bladder block recently.

    They call it the old man’s ailment and it’s not a pleasant experience. Like your neighbour I can vouch for the sense of relief a catheter gives you, just like the words flowing to a post. Ouch! the memory still brings tears to my eyes.

    Looking forward to the other 250 posts stored in your ‘post bladder’ and hope you don’t need a catheter to extract them!




  2. I will keep to the old mans theme. My problem with the prostate is the opposite – I go to the toilet every two hours during the night. So I never get a really decent deep sleep. It might have something to do with the amount of tea and beer I drink. πŸ˜‰

    I started to use your draft system Barry, but I only wrote the headline for a post I would write later. When I returned to the headline, I had forgotten what I was going to write about. Now, I make sure I write the post straight away, while the inspirational juices are flowing.

    I think the cure for writers block, is to write. Any old rubbish, it doesn’t matter, just write. Eventually, just like those monkeys on typewriters for infinity, some Shakespearian piece will emerge. 8)

    John McNally recently posted..YIPEE! 2 Sales and 1 Order


    Bill Murney Reply:

    @John McNally,

    Excuse me Barry, but I am jumping in here – John, I would advise you to visit your doctor, one of the symptoms of prostate trouble is frequent urination during the night.

    I am now on medication for life for prostate problems. You probably need medication to relax and shrink the prostate. I would urge you not to leave it until you need urgent medical attention. Bill


    John McNally Reply:

    @Bill Murney, Thanks for the advice Bill, but don’t worry I go for a PSA blood test every year, and at the moment I’m in the clear. I’m monitoring it closely though. Thanks for your concern Bill.

    John McNally recently posted..Top 10 Film Quotes


  3. Yes John, I agree with Bill.

    You probably need to massage your nether region more, like I do…

    I believe that keeping a limber timber is part of good physical health but it doesn’t happen by itself.

    A person needs girlie magazines,amorous videos or porn web sites for assistance.

    For the sake of your good health and all.


    John McNally Reply:

    @Barry, Too true Barry, the Internet has been a godsend for male physical and mental health. πŸ™‚

    John McNally recently posted..Top 10 Film Quotes


  4. Hi Barry

    The spammers have conned you, have a look at ‘antenna batteries’ comment on 26.09.10 and my comment on the 24th.

    You will see that they have copied it word for word, even my name. You should also read John McNally’s new post on spam, in which he highlights this practice.

    Don’t let the b……s get away with it, delete it!




  5. What a smug fuck I am! Keep a clean idea pipe! Fuck!

    I puke on me!



  6. so many times i wish i wasn’t keeping this stupid online blog. I feel retarded more than smart. And these aren’t all my ideas, I have more in another cage as you well know.


  7. I want to remember writing this so I never get BIG. I am nobody!

    Nada. One person. My wife and son are many times what I am.

    Of course, they don’t write it. Silly beggars.


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