Bottled Water Was Going To Be Valuable Someday Just Uh, Not Today

Segregation Drinking FountainAs we slowed down to view the crime scene, I couldn’t believe my eyes.

Every one of the dozen or so pallets of bottled water was still shrink wrapped and in pristine condition. And this water was sitting there for the taking beside a busy raven playground self storage facility in Kamloops, British Columbia.

Just facing the fact that in 1996 people were not interested in bottled Evian water was another cracking point for me.

Why in the world wouldn’t they be?!

I had talked my brother Marty into financing the purchase of a truck load of 500ml bottles @ 5 cents each (20 for $1.00!) from a liquidator and felt certain we could at least quadruple his investment very quickly.

After gulpfully being refused shelf space by dozens of independent stores we attempted to peddle the stuff at summer flea markets.

Even there, in the heat of our battle to live this elixir of life pulled from tubs of damned expensive hard water would not bring twenty five cents.

Passersby kept replying to canned curiosity calls (CCC) with “Why would I buy water when I get it free at home?”

Yeah, we thought, but it’s right here and its cold and convenient you moron!

Even the few customers we had would would say “expensive water.”

Two months of similar bumbling led me to believe that

Once again I had clamored into a blind alley

Which might hint that I was losing my

Mind-sight but equally might

Just mean I was a tad

Too early for work.

Thank you, friend.

Barry out.

Unless your head goes under, you’re still a civilian.

9 Responses to “Bottled Water Was Going To Be Valuable Someday Just Uh, Not Today”

  1. Man did I get liquidated on this one.

    My bro, too.


  2. A few months later I came upon two brothers who were giving up their gas station to bottle water from a spring they had just inherited.

    I was selling these dudes candy and boy, I laughed my arse off they told me their plan to bottle and sell mountain water.

    Two stupid fucking brothers.

    Three months later when I stopped to see them again they were gone, now one hundred percent invested in water. Last I heard they were millionaires.

    Stupid fucking candy route. I quit it.


  3. If this big project worked I was going to become well known for something the world would have known as Lie Selling.

    Lie Selling is where you just leave some water nefariously on storeowner’s shelves (invisible stocking) without telling them and then later come back to find the water missing.

    Now we approach the store owner / manager / cash register attendant and tell them that we secretly loaded them up with water which is now gone and now we need some loot.

    Hedging Water I was going to call it.


  4. This Water Will Not Disappear Hedge Fund.

    I can see it now.


  5. Hail, lots of folks won’t be using their pensions anyway.


  6. If I could go back in time I would grab some of those non water buying naysayers by the throat and shake them saying
    “How about Five Dollar Coffee?! HUH?! What chu say about THAT?!

    If I could go back, I might say that.



  7. No. I’d say it because its unbelievable.

    Only businesspeople from pakistan or india would listen I bet.


  8. These people know about service.


  9. And squeezing nickles out of things that don’t have nickels in ’em.


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