Archive for the 'Assholes Annonymous' Category

Your Thinking Cap Flew Off Your Head Now You Walk Around Bare Headed

  A sign made you stop and You lost your mind. A light made you go and You lost your mind. Some paint on the asphalt took your little kid and Mama, you lost your mind. A uniform at the airport patted you down and Flyer, you lost your mind. Tax was added to the […]

Contrarian To The Rescue

Jesus you better not listen. Better not pay no mind. Cause if you do they’ll see you too They’ll find you and unwind You. Barry Nick Begich “DARPA Is Testing New Mind Control Technology On Unwitting Civilian Victims.”

You Thinker Too Much

Here, let me cuddle you Thinker of too much. Cause yer confused and frustrated. Shit don’t add up that much. But think you should. Think what you could. Thinking is good but think! Barry    

When The Ship Seemed Like It Was Really Sinking, Cruisers Went For The Bar.

Don’t die sober. Like everyone, raid the bar. You’re walking home alone you are Cause you don’t have a car. They test for drunk not high. You’re not that kinda guy You’re a woman. Barry

Cakes Don’t Look Like Dat All Duh Way True

  See, Santa is real like Disney is real and Saskatchewan is real. Heaven is real, Allah is real and Orion is real. It’s real. All real. Now, you get real. Barry    

I Knew This Guy Who Married Stupid Bitches FOUR TIMES In A Row

Jesus Christ… That’s Arby’s! ARBY’S!!   Go ahead and treat me rude. I can take it. Rude is my middle name! I can fake it. I’ll treat you just the same. I’m a placator. Alligator. See you later. Barry  

Lazy You Must Be Or You Gonna Work Dee Mop

You wanna put a tag on every god damn pump. But there, where the pump plugs in, is another idea jump. You say see it by where it plugs in, Not underwater like yee. I’ll be a son-of-a-pupster… ya, You are smarter than me! Barry (wrote this about my wife who turned out to be […]

The Television “Program” Saturday Night Live Runs A Laugh-Track.

Why? Cause laughing people makes for people laughing! Hah! Barry

And For Every Hammer A Scratch

He got drunk and fell down. Drunk and fell down. Couldn’t fall up. Always fell down. Kepp on floppin’ Always head down. Didn’t see the scratches Bleedin’ on the ground. Makin’ Blood Lake an Ah ain’t gonna drown. Thank you, friend. Barry out.  

You’re A Long Way From Terry Barry

One day he stopped yelling. Kickin’ up dust andy Really cut back onna People he trust causa Silly damn beggars put up So much fuss that he Jumped and left ’em wailin’ under Their own damn bus. Thank you, friend. Barry out.

Mister Brown Says Shush

Babble. Do you speak babble mister Brown? Rattle. Can you rattle this clown? Saddle. Do we shut your ride down? Thank you, friend. Barry out.

The President

It’s right now stupid. Not tomorrow and No time now to Settle da scoreo. Thank you, friend. Barry out.

Be Best Buds With Your Body

Oh, you’d like me to change? Would you? Like me to change but would you? Would you? You whom would, surely could, Show me just how to change. Thank you, friend. Barry out.

Reality Fades

He took a wrong turn in the corn maze. Took a left instead of right. He was stuck in that damn corn maze Many bloody nights. He fought fear of yellow kernels And the green arms that wrapped them tight. He heard their woody stalks calling out to him Softly in the cool moonlight. You’re […]

I Am Stupid And I Know It. Clap My Hands!

Hanging or firing squad? What’s it gonna be? Guys like me don’t pension out. You do as you please. Thank you, friend. Barry out.  

Lordy Done Kick Some Cat

It’s micro macro. Say it’s not. Name one mousetrap You ain’t caught. Past all paid for. Way past bought. Thinkin’ stinkin’. Other’s thoughts. Thank you, friend. Barry out.

Anyone Can Direct But Few Directors Do

You mustn’t stay in character all day long. A dozen bloody costume changes, Please stay strong. Memorized the dialogue and the Actor’s faces. Knew every curtain call and All the actor’s places. Now you want to improv. Change up all the lines. Wanna make the actors mad? You wanna hear ’em whine? Change a bloody […]

Think And Grow Rich With It’s Secret Hidden In The Title

Thoughts are things. That don’t always work. I think I’ll rake the lawn. Or maybe make a shirk. Maybe she hates me. Why she so critical? What that she say? Said I‘m invisible…? Bitch! Thank you, friend. Barry out.

Ruh-Ruh-Ruh-Ricochet Habit

Don’t look under your shirt. Don’t look into your shoes. Who’s that wrecking your shit? Sure as hell ain’t you! Is it? Gettin’ creamed on a crosswalk. Tossed off of your boss hog. Fused vertebrae my god. Pally those roads got traps. Who damn trappin’?! Thank you, friend. Barry out.  

Your Attention Please: Please Ignore Your Program.

Rules. Who needs ’em? Goules. Who breeds ’em? Tools. Who feeds ’em? Cause they’re everywhere. And they don’t care. Who they have to scare To keep the Piece. Thank you, friend. Barry out.  

Don’t Eat That Elmer, That’s Horseshit.

Creepy travels far and fast. Packaged in a stare that lasts and lasts. Hide yourself from here and fast. Oughta give that creep a blast. Oh, wait a minute. He’s blind. Thank you, friend. Barry out.

Know Yer Funnels

Eye, you’ve got shit flyin’ in. Shit from every angle. Do ya see where it’s flyin’ in from? Thousand cow burgers. Three dollar water from they’ll Never sell damn water and This shit here, it never Goes outa season! Thank you, friend. Barry out.

God’s Off The Hook Again

He didn’t save Nadine and Couldn’t bust Jerry’s kidney stones. God don’t suffer fools and when he does The non fools groan. He won’t bring peace to the middle east And he kinda lets the colors scrap. No, God don’t do that much it seems, Unanswered prayers like that. Thank you, friend. Barry out.

This Was Man Made Afraid

Ah you don’t wanna love less Your love get lost. You know damn well at Love hasa cost. It don’t take cheques and has No balances. An lordy help those overdrawn. Thank you, friend. Barry out.

See Just Below Crazy? At’s Where We’re Headed!

Shh quiet! I thought I heard something. Something I should not have heard. I shouldn’t have heard you utter ya. Utter at discouraging word. I should not. Thank you, friend. Barry out.

Oh Jesus Please Tell Me That’s You

Your heart can be opened up you know. Without being opened up. Your eyes can be wide seeing nothing but scars. But not wide enough to see that thars Blinders that look nada like blinders. Grinders that surely don’t grind. And if that is you Jesus with your hand on my shoulder, Could ya take […]

Then A Guy Whose Never Had Pie In His Life Will Judge The Baking Contest

Look who runs the circus. Charging an entry fee. You just watch from here now. See here the circus free. Thank you, friend. Barry out.  

What To Do When The Cattle Start Mooing

Racket next door. Do you therefore Become heat score Juss cause some cows is rustling? Thank you, friend. Barry out.

Advice Five Bucks. Prepayment Advised.

Damn rights I know. I know you don’t. Confuzzeled is where you live. And though you have no thing to offer, Two shits is what I give. Now move along. Thank you, friend. Barry out.

All Business Is Show Biziness

Why ya dint listen ta me? Why it always me, me, me? Why you refuse to see? Why this way can’t be. Why when you cut I bleed? Some’n here do need freed. Maybe that some’n is me… Thank you, friend. Barry out.