If You Live To A Ripe Old Age, Maybe You’ve Lived Too Long.

Man, you know it all now.

Can’t nobody tell you.

Your mind is all made up.

Made up.

Nothin’ left to make up.

Make up.

Your maybe’s are outa luck.


Your an A Hole when your Amygdala is missing!


The Humor HELIX

Uploaded on Nov 11, 2010

The Humor HELIX

This short video describes how humor really helps some people while driving other folks absolutely bonkers.

The theory is based on this fact:

“When Things Are Going Down-Hill, They Generally Pick Up Speed.”

Identifying parts of the Humor Helix:

– F & F stands for “Frig and Frac”.

– E & D stand for “Dang, Right On! and Eeeyaaa!”

– C stands for “See, I told you!”

– B represents “Be Careful”

– PPO stands for “Permanently Pissed Off”

– A is the entrance to the A-hold where humor resides in humorless people.

Here is how the Humor Helix works:

The Bad Humor Spiral

1. Potential humor drops out of the sky.
2. For those who are humorously inclined, the funny stuff hits our Cheer Channel and rolls in whatever direction we are heading in life..
3. For those not humorously inclined, the funny stuff passes right through the cheer channel and is caught in the A-hold area. This is why humorless folks are known as A-holds.
4. For the Bad Humor folks, funny stuff heads toward B, picking up speed along the way.
5. As the funny stuff hits the down humor helix it flies around the spirals making a distinct F sound. This is where people start to say – “For frigg’s sakes…”
6. The bad humor now flies from the helix and creates more confusion, frustration and anger, adding to the fact that this person is gradually becoming PPO – Permanently Pissed Off and in danger of becoming an A-hold.

The Good Humor Spiral

1. Potential humor drops out of the sky.
2. It automatically takes the path of least resistance and follows our natural state – in this case heading towards point C.
3.The weight of this funny stuff causes the scales to tip and the humor picks up momentum along the Cheer Channel as it heads toward D.
4. The funny stuff races around the beginning of the Humor Helix and speeds toward E.
5. As the funny stuff crashed through point E we will likely hear a verbal response from the good humored person. Something like: “Eeeyyyeeeessssss! as they fling their arms high in the air in solitary celebration.

It is through the Humor Helix that people either are positively affected by humor which invigorates their lives or they are negatively affected by humor and Permanently Pissed Off.

So be it.

Every Shitty Fan Is Covered In Shit And Wisdom, Depending On Where You Look.


Jesus, I could have used your name

Twenty or thirty years ago.

But you ducked under

Under my shadow.

You wouldn’t let me know.

Hung out in that fourteenth beer.

Countless times drove me safely here.

I asked for you, you disappeared.

Back then, I could have used you.

You were hidden behind if only.

If only I’d see the truth.

I would see it.

If only I’d listen to dad.

I would see it.

Cause dad didn’t see you in me.

But there you were…

Right there, under my shadow.



The Sickness of the 1% | Jesse Ventura Off The Grid




In Alive Out Dead. In Alive Out Dead. In Alive Out Dead.


See, it’s born and in and

Dead and out and

If you die at birth then

That’s in through out and

If you die like a baby

You’re out through in and

If you keep doing that then

Where to begin?


Harald Kautz Vella Explains Black Goo

Hear Don’t Wanna But Act On It Not


Self discipline is a nasty row.

A row to be hoed by one.

The row caves in just as fast as it’s dug

Like the row was never begun.

There’s no row, they say

Looking around.

There’s no row and there is no one.

No one can do it.

It can’t be done.

You might be the only one.



Fellow Herdling


No one gives a shit about you.

They DON”T! They DON”T! They DON”T!

Like the heart could care less about the gall bladder.

Take it out, it can go to hell!

Like the nasal passages care about lungs…

They DON”T! They DON”T as well!

Like the fingernail cares about snot…

Okay, it does, if that’s all you got but

It’d rather not ’cause fingers got shit to do.

But they can’t do shit without you.

Who gonna wipe that poo?

You gotta get, get it all together.

It’s a storm only you can weather.

Don’t believe me? Then better get

Good at livin’ alone.



Your Thinking Cap Flew Off Your Head Now You Walk Around Bare Headed


A sign made you stop and

You lost your mind.

A light made you go and

You lost your mind.

Some paint on the asphalt took your little kid and

Mama, you lost your mind.

A uniform at the airport patted you down and

Flyer, you lost your mind.

Tax was added to the purchase price and

Citizen, your mind was lost.

You warmed the earth through activity and

Human, your mind was fried.

The man said employee, wait in traffic and

In traffic you lost your mind.

The ad said loser, no ticket, no winning and

Gambler, you lost your mind.

Your car does one-fifty, you were clocked at ten over and

Speeder, you lost your mind.

Your leaders said buddy, you must not inhale and

Pally, you gave them your mind.



Contrarian To The Rescue

Jesus you better not listen.

Better not pay no mind.

Cause if you do they’ll see you too

They’ll find you and unwind



Nick Begich “DARPA Is Testing New Mind Control Technology On Unwitting Civilian Victims.”

The Monition Of Prem

Say what you think will happen.

Maybe just speak your mind.

Maybe your mind is onto something.

Don’t be left behind.


You Fool Yourself

Like preferences, habits and

Shit don’t control you…

Genes and memes

And spears don’t control you?!



Son, Please Toil Diligently But Not For Those Cocksuckers.

taking aim on ronald mcdonald

Opportunity looks like a sinking ship.

Bilge pump overtime.

And salvage work, it ain’t so bad.

Cleanin’ up mar-eyen.

Mar-eyen? You know?

This place you tend to go?

And brought you everyone else there.

Where you now reside, you know?

So map it out then, mark your course.

You are the wind, the oxen… horse.

And now inside the beast, at worst,

You gonna learn how not to do it!


Learn everything you can from those bastards Bryce, and then forget about the bullshit they made you sign! THEY DON’T OWN YOUR MIND!


The Lazy Handler Of Ivan’s

Ivan, he works only when he has to.

And he has to a lot.

‘Cause mice and ducks and prairie chickens

They want to be caught.

By Ivan.

Sleepy Ivan.

With a full food bowl you ought naught.

But the you that’s you can’t stop.


Don’t Say No Say Uh-Uh

This here is town is same as the rest.

Different name. Different address.

Same damn test though,

Same damn test.


Economics For De Asshole


Get this through your thick skull!

  1. People want to be paid more to do less. Not just your son…
  2. They want to be paid sooner than later. Not just your daughter…
  3. Can they get that in writing? They want certainty!
  4. Shit better be worth more’nay paid… People want increase!

Can’t give ’em this?

Don’t get inner game.



Mind Da Law

Halt! Who goes there?!

I heard him say but

Me, I turned and walked away and

He, he pointed a stick at me and

Me, I walked like someone free and

He, he watched me escape, he.


If I Should Die Before I Wake I Hope The Next World Ain’t As Fake

Perception is a thing.

Things can be controlled.

Things can be not as they seem.

Fresh paint over old.

Polished up then sold.

Sellers acting bold.

Buyers don’t behold

Anything their told.



I Know I Don’t Know Do You?

Four levels of hal-lo?

  1. You don’t know you don’t know
  2. You know you don’t know
  3. You know you know
  4. You don’t know you know

Fight like the dickens to get to level 2.

Slide into Level 3.

Level 4 becomes you.


The Climate, She Changes And Santa’s Make Believe.

Don’t look into the sun today.

Maybe tomorrow too.

Cause the sun is hotter and bigger than eyes.

And a whole lot bigger than you.



They Say Don’t Go. On Wolverton Mountain.

Micro macro.

All a way down.

How it is now is how it is found.

This here’s a drama, unfolding ya?

Another in the can just waitin’ for da

End of this drama,

Wind it all down.

Gotta go dark afore the next big round.

It’s a series yer watchin’.

You’re the audience.

Next season in a bag.

Doesn’t make sense

To holler at a Tee Vee.

Stand in line to make it see the audience point of view.



You Thinker Too Much

Here, let me cuddle you

Thinker of too much.

Cause yer confused and frustrated.

Shit don’t add up that much.

But think you should.

Think what you could.

Thinking is good but think!





Will you open up your fucking eyes to see?

Or will you wallow in those things that set you free?

Cause you don’t want my thing and your thing to be.

You’d rather head your way and re-release me?



When The Ship Seemed Like It Was Really Sinking, Cruisers Went For The Bar.

Don’t die sober.

Like everyone, raid the bar.

You’re walking home alone you are

Cause you don’t have a car.

They test for drunk not high.

You’re not that kinda guy

You’re a woman.


I Resist

You fuck, you say nothing!

Money is all to you.

Now you meet the real currency,

I bet you stay true.

Benjamin,  I do!


I Know Yer Hurt But Can Ya Graba Gunboy?

See, people talk from a distance.

What distance is that is?

You mutter, softy, alone to yourself.

You don’t even know what gives!



We Wrestled With How Strong You Are

Bitch, you got an attitude!

You want your own damn way!

Don’t you see we’re playing catch?

You throw back okay?



On The Sixth Day Without Water, Dude Got A Little Grumpy.

What causes you?

Wearing your un-favorite color?

Going without clothing?

Does stinking like humans stink cause you to think a little differently?

Wearing skid marked undies again, or do you leave them off, commander?

Second meal missed today. How you feel about food, mister?

What’s to not like now?

What affects you, and how?

Buddy, it’s time to count the chickens.



Only Nine Times!

A guy wants to end his life, ya?

The cops are trigger happy to oblige him.

They shoot him nine bloody times!



Grandpa, What Were Sardines?

Sardines were radioactive.

Food chain radioactive.

Me, I’m radioactive.

‘Ashima… where you atta? 




Grumble Garden

There is a way to complain that reduces disdain.

Makes is smaller and easy to hide.

You’ll not find it deep

Nor that far or that wide.

But somewhere inside is

That saying you’ll never give up.



Correlation, Please! Lead Me Not Astray.

Once upon a time there was a pump.

This pump pumped shit.

Shit that was made in various places somewhere the pump was not.

On the pressurized shit side was a field.

This field distributed the shit so it wouldn’t pile up.

Piled up shit is not good.

One day the shit makers discovered the shit pump continuously running.

The shit pump ran and ran and ran.

The shitters turned the shit pump off.

Now what? the shitters thought.

Shit began to pile up on the unpressured side.

Shit on shit.

A malodorous thing also started.

Shitting got to be a bad thing.

Uncomfortable, to say the least.

The head shitter thought he had tried everything to get shit pumping again.

He called people, got people to come look at his shit.

Still, shit piled up on the non pressured side and

It began to cause pressure.

Try something! the shitters said to the head shitter.

He looked at the shit pump with new eyes. Maybe priming the shit pump again…

The head shitter went through another possibly fruitless maneuver.

Priming the shit pump again.

But… this time was different.

This time the shit pump made a different sound.

Like really pumping shit.


Reduce Your Circle Of Concern

When you care and everyone else doesn’t.

You are in for fun.

You better think pretty well of yourself.

Or you will come undone.

Your peripheral vision will blinder you.

You will cook yourself a stew where

The main course every day is you!

Do you want you rare or baby blue?

Cookie, its up to you.