Archive for April, 2012

How Does One Hide A Cow In The Field? Simpo. Surround It With Other Animules!

Many folks know their governments forget to tell them important stuff. Official officials do this because whatever they are keeping from their constituents is far more scary than the secrets they propose to invoke and there must be a fairly good chance that anyone to whom this clandestine knowledge was revealed would flip their ever-loving […]

My Mentor Wasn’t Sold On Quality So We Did Everything But Steal

Most folks know about the good / better / best thing. They understand that items can appear almost identical while being completely different in fundamental ways owing to short cuts taken or not taken and this mostly hidden value occurs initially in the mind of every object’s creator whom imbues or avoids many subtle enhancements […]

Vilfredo Pareto Says Some Of My Writing Is Very, Very Good! The Rest Is Forgivable.

Most folks don’t know about 80 / 20 rule. All it says is that reality seems to follow certain patterns like eighty percent of stuff being owned by twenty percent of people or twenty percent of people usually produce eighty percent of the work and I am writing one hundred percent of this bullshite. Thank […]

The Secret To Stabilizing Ones Load Is To Limit Size And Number Of Hangers On

Most folks understand that they support life beyond themselves. Here I’m speaking of the plethora of microorganisms as well as the abundance of normal essence sucking things which depend on us for survival. Children, relatives and even our spouses clamor for a piece of our existence and if we were to give ourselves over totally […]

Like I Told The Little Lady: I Could Be Comitting Suicide And Not Know It.

Most folks think they can speak they mind. No. You can’t. Not without being fallowed. Thank you, friend. Barry out. Fuck keys. We’re gonna open this shit by hand!

Shit Tests Cannot Be Faked By The Shit

Most folks understand the “if it can’t bend it breaks” thing. They know everyone has to give a little to get a little and that nothing – NOTHING – works without gaskets but when fundamental truths are ignored, this shite only leads to bad. I can see you there, struggling on the surface of this […]

From Here To There Aint Far On Foot But She’s A Long Hop Auditorially

Many folks can feel stuff getting different every day. They see that what we pay attention to and how much attention we pay to it changes and then they decide to pay attention to something else without perhaps taking into account the ramifications of looking only one way before crossing that street. Thank you, friend. […]

No One In Their Right Mind Would Be A Public Servant So There You Have It

Most folks are not thinking about running for political office. They are busy trying to live their lives as best they can and have little interest in twisting and turning in the winds of a demanding public life but that’s not to say that they cut anyone who does choose to enter the angry arena […]

Doan Want Yer Keedz Drinking White Lightnin? Give ‘Em Beer!

Most folks know about pressure. It comes and goes and neither state is better than the other on account of all of us needing times when no pressure then right away some pressure occurs but once we can predict that this is going to happen, de animals can run dey course. Thank you, friend. Barry […]

If We Could Take Time Out Of The Bottle

Many folks show up to work drunk or ignent. In another mind they know that this frame of reference is not the one they should be applying but because they were scheduled, like good robots can be, they arrived at work when life says they ought not to have. Thank you, friend. Barry out. I’m […]

Hands Up – Who Will Come To The Circus To See Normal? Or Safe? Or Not Smelly?

Most folks get scared by horror movies and wild rides. That’s why they go / get on them and even though during the scared shitless part they would rather not be shitting their pants they would feel totally ripped off if they weren’t. Thank you, friend. Barry out.

I Know The World’s Worst All Things Construction Like Dude

Many folks can admit their weaknesses. Others just keep tempting fate, egging trees, chainsaws and ladders to fall on them and given the latitude will fill toilets, sinks and shower stalls with concrete. Thank you, friend. Barry out.

You Should See Insane From My Side

Most folks have had crazy thoughts. They thought about quitting this job, this relationship, this life and all the shite that it comes boxed in but then right there in the middle of everything shines this light. Train track switch. Your FOOT! Thank you, friend. Barry out.

Corporations Get Cancer Unnecessarily

Most folks have never heard of W.L. Gore. Bill ain’t the ex-political climate change Gore, he’s the “why don’t we learn all  about you starting with yer name” dude and life taught Bill that any more than one hundred and fifty people in a  place was too many and lak most biznesses, destined to im […]

When Poosh Comes To Shove There Will Be Plenty Of Pushing And Shoving For All

Many folks know about cause and effect. They understand that if carrying signs worked then maybe tomorrow’s picketers could undo our shit. Thank you, friend. Barry out.

It’s Not A GivenThat Shite Goes Sideways

Most folks know that things usually work out for the best. That don’t mean that somewhere in the middle all hell won’t break loose because there’s a fair to middling chance it will. What is meant by circumstances finding their way is if whatever we’re attempting don’t kill us and we carry on through the […]

Just Sit Rat Down And Rat 500 Titles Eager Person

Yes some of what I say is crazy. I set a goal of writing 500 stories in one calender year and at this point I’m about 380 fables into it so I’m walking the fence while trying not to shite on anything that don’t deserve it. Thank you, friend. Barry out. Fats knows.

I Apologized For StickHandling My Friend Before But My Scales Is Still Up. Ah-ite.

When one sweats from their upper lip, that’s meaningful. That’s where Grant was dripping from. That, and his limp wrested hand shake led me to believe that he cannot fully grasp my dimension. Dude was also missing two bottles because he first said they were broken and then immediately said his landlord had lost them. […]

Massa Done Paid Now Massa Done Payin’

Who will people turn to for support? Who the fuck’s gonna look after the sick and insane? This idea of yours sounds like a world run by the Salvation Army. You’re not from them are you? Thank you, friend. Barry out. I know these people. http://www.salvationarmyusa.org/usn/www_usn_2.nsf The Salvation Army is the SHIT! And they’ll help […]

Want To Stop Theft? Don’t Traffic Stolen Shite Y’all

Most folks assume they are secure. They don’t have plans to fight the arse off some intruder should they be so unfortunate as to slip into thebigpitofsorrow because when those walls come down everything falls. Thank you, friend. Barry out. Labour cost of 10, 20, 30%? Should be continuance of business cost of 50%! Why […]

Yes, My Ex-Wife Should Hate Me

Many folks have arranged marriages. Mine to my first wife was just such an affair guaranteed after my father in a drunken brawl accused my future father-in-law of stealing his wallet. Thank you, friend. Barry out.

When Obsessions Run Low

Nine-eleven knocked me for a loop. Felt like the second world war there for a bit but when they never even asked for aluminum pans to be collected, rat there some’in alyse was gettin’ gotten. Thank you, friend. Barry out.

Anyone Employing the Rolling No Thing Is A Trollish Maximus & Enemy Of People

Most folks expect to be dealt with openly. Whether the environment creator is a police officer or vacuum cleaner sales person, everyone involved will feel the effects of today’s Tomfoolery tomorrow. Thank you, friend. Barry out.  

What If Donations Didn’t Actually Purchase Attacks?

Most folks know taxes are a necessary evil. If it ain’t the mob (insurance) it’s the dang bikers (oil, gaz) and whatever they doan git the gubment (casinos, booze) step up fer. Ats a lot ‘o wholes sheep. Thank you, friend. Barry out.

It Says Here You Have Eight Open Liquor Infractions. Is Six Still What You Say?

Many folks have to jump through hoops. This is what a person does when their own or someone else’s back is up agin the wall and at these times if one needs to be a christian then we’re christian and if that means agreeing to some’in just to play this game to its end then […]

Instead Of Sending My Kid To War Couldn’t He Just Pay More Fines?

Many folks don’t know that Theodor Seuss Geisel worked for the war department. Hail, most don’t even know who Theodor was on account of him using his middle name and a fake doctorate to secure fame but more important is the fact that Mr. T was pretty dang good at tossing short words packed with […]

If My Doctor Tells Me To Stop Drinking I’ll Need A Second Opinion. MINE.

Many folks forgo an annual physical. That’s not good because they are missing out on just knowing what someone else in a different know knows and this additional informed opinion adds such certainty that now we can take chances. Thank you, friend. Barry out.

Plenty ‘O Empathy And Paranoia Live In The Same Damn Apartment Building

Most folks can tell when they should be scatting. They are also smart enough to know this “feeling” might be attached to: 1. The time of the day 2. The time of month 3. Pace of work 4. Work load 5. Focus focus focus 3. Body odor 4. Somebody doesn’t like short people 5. What’s […]

Keedz, Please Don’t Resemble Me If I Turn Out To Be An Idiot

Most folks see themselves reflected in their children. There probably isn’t a more consciousness expanding opportunity than stiffening an upper lip while offspring talk back or ignore a question while pretending to be oh, so occupied with something more important than utter bullshite from some supposedly wiser person whom they know very well can be […]

To Our Consternation Even The Armed Forces Couldn’t Turn Me Around

My father really wanted me to join the Canadian military. He and I had many beers around the grand ideas of seeing the world, meeting new buddies and hope fully growing up because after all, I was seven teen and what better time and way to be all that you can be but in the […]